Tag Archives: schizophrenia

The plague

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Sadness is a lot like plague. One day you wake up to realize that you have the deadly sickness. Something in my body hurts. The pain has no source as I coil up in between sheets and cry. All I utter are empty prayers to a God who I only crawl back to when I’m down with the plague.
Have you ever seen smog in mid-winter covering the city? It feels a lot like that inside my chest. My bones have become hollow and crooked. The dim sunlight steals a glimpse into my room through the curtains as the fan sings a familiar tune. The plague paints everything in shades of sickness. Lost friendships and broken bonds ooze out of my veins like blood gushes out as it meets the blade.
Suddenly, all that I have ever tried to hide stares me in the face. Monsters under the bed and skeletons in my closet come out to dance-they dance under the sun. Demons don’t hide in darkness, that is a myth. They walk and dance under the shining sun.

Sadness is a lot like plague, love. One day you realize that you have been cured but still wait for it to creep up on you someday soon.

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schizophrenia and I

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-And they speak again forcing me to listen to them.

Didn’t we tell you? This was bound to happen!
– My conscious is slowly fading away. I need to search for the cure or it is bound to repeat itself again. Dash for the nearest closet to pop a pill and gulp down water from the sink. This cannot be happening again, NO! The doctor said I was getting better.

You already set fire to the gifts he gave you but how will you set fire to his memories?

-OH! STOP!! Please. I could hear them laugh. Laughing out. Mocking my credence. Maybe fresh air would do me good? Hurrying upstairs to the terrace. Tip toe-not trying to wake the whole house up.

Fresh air is as good to you as the chamber you confine yourself in, all day! Since the past few months. All digital aren’t you,honey?

-What do you want from me?

Your misery, child. Your heart will die a slow excruciating death and you will shed hope of getting better. You will be dead and still be alive.

-Let me live. Let me be normal. Let me fit in.

HAHA! You can set fire to physical things. Drown them. Bury them. Trash them away. But you cannot get rid of us. You cannot set fire to your spirit. You cannot drown your sorrow. You cannot trash away your existence. We live here. This is our home.

-I am taking my medicine. I will get better. I will survive. You will see. I will find peace.

Medicines just make you numb to the world and more active to us. There is no getting better. You would not survive. Peace? That will only be a five letter word to you. Go on! Inject and numb your veins.

-Please, what did I ever do to you? Why do you haunt me when it is dark?

Because, you dared to dream! You dared to outshine. You dared to take more than what was your piece. And now suffering is your only release. Salvation. You are nothing but a beautiful face structured on lies.

– I am nothing more than a pretty face, big eyed, pillowed lip girl structured on lies