Tag Archives: Rhymes

Love in the 90’s

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When I was 8
A boy in my class gave me a book
Of rhymes
He said he loved me
And decided to give me something
That I liked
Poetry
 
Back then
I didn’t know much about love
Except for a word tossed around
To make people happy
So I told him to rhyme something with it
He didn’t
I said
I love you too
And it rhymed
 
You see I liked the way two words
Came
Together
Different but with the same sound
At the end
Sort of like this
I love you
I love you too
And it makes all the difference

A poem for your manipulator

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I’ve been too afraid to lose people. So much so that in order to make room for their personality, I diminish mine. I learnt it from my parents. My mother turned from monsoon rain to a chaotic thunderstorm. My father became the ruins rather than the fire.

I make room for his,
dreams
aspirations
hopes
love
goals
in this process of providing space. The little of myself I was left with is crumpled in the corner. To keep a love one has to bend.
One has to change.
One has to make room.
One has to apologize.
One has to let go because love,
Love is worth keeping
Love is worth fighting for
But love is toxic
When he tells you that you should be sorry for your choices. When he makes you feel like you do not exist except for his shadow. When he makes sure you know that he has the string and you’re just a puppet. When his silence screams at your face more than his words. When he tells you that he will leave. When he emotionally manipulates you with your answers and you can’t do anything about it. When he takes the little space that you had.

I’ve been too afraid to lose people. But, I’ve realized I’m more afraid to lose myself.

I read your horoscope

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I’ve never believed in horoscopes
The constellations alignment
Doesn’t dictate a thing
Infinity and stars
Are just knots of hope

Like what mother said
That the twins don’t represent
Anything in my life
But the centaur
I always read

Maybe, I want them to proclaim
A love that was suppose to be endless
Because a glimmer of hope is nice
Even for a moment
Betrayal from reality
Never felt so good

A lovers wish

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I’ve wished on shooting stars to be near to you
So that I could feel your breath on the nape of my neck
Fall asleep in your arms
Knowing that even if the world falls apart
I’d be one lucky motherfucker to die in my lovers arm

I’ve tossed a lot of coins in the wishing well outside the city
Hoping that your face was the one that I would wakeup to
If not today then God, please make it someday
Morning snuggles
Evening giggles
And dinner date plans
It doesn’t have to be like the movies
We can just sit in bed all day and listen to what you have to say about life
I would give everything and anything just to hold your hand right, now

And its mostly after midnight
When the world goes quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome night
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge

You need to love yourself in order to be loved

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You’ve been searching for it all your life
A place to call home
A place to call your own
Your concept of it was built around books
It involved movies set in the 50’s
Maps that connected true lovers
For you home had a heart beat
A direction to turn your face to at 3 am
It had sympathy for your depression in its bones
And snuggles for when insomnia hit you hard

Let me tell you this
Your concept of home is wrong
You don’t need a life to comfort you
You are the life!
I won’t say, “you are a life”
Because, you are in yourself the world
Just as important as any soul here
You hold within your bones the love that you deserve

If 3 am darkness scares you?
Hug yourself sweetie
Let your heart know that it will go away
You deserve love
And nobody will give you the love you want
If you don’t start loving yourself the way you need to

You are the home
The temple
The kingdom
The forest
The heaven
And heck
Even your own hell

If you realize that at the end of the day
You’re going to go to bed with yourself
And admit nobody is going to save you
You might save yourself
I bet, if you take my words seriously
Love yourself, the way you always wanted to be loved
Nothing else would matter in this world

I am a warrior

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I am a warrior cut out from the finest marble
Fragile to look at
Don’t take my fragility for my weakness
For I have been cut and shaped from blades

I have gone through ice and fire
To become the marvel that you see

I stand tall in all my glory
I don’t fall in my gore
For me the world goes behind
I tread a path
Two steps always ahead

I have gone through hell and heaven
To become the marvel that you see

I refuse to back down
I refuse to become a slave
I will do whatever I please
Diminish your poor bones in the palm of my hand
Worship your existence like the Greek Gods
You cannot phantom my being
You cannot pin me down

I have gone through love and hate
To become the marvel that you see

Anymore

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Nothing in life seems to be enough anymore
The heroin that crashed once like waves in my veins does not seem enough anymore
The hash in my cigarette that numbed me down does not seem enough anymore
Liquor bottles and absolute drinks don’t cease to be enough anymore
My poisons don’t seem enough to kill the demons inside of me anymore
I kept asking for the ocean and got the river instead
Finally, when I got the ocean and drowned
It just doesn’t seem enough anymore
My beating heart doesn’t seem enough to keep me alive anymore
Love and hate, nothing seems enough anymore
My bleeding heart on paper does not seem enough anymore
This whole concept of living does not seem enough anymore
My love, nothing in life seems to be enough anymore

Speaking to God

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Today I spoke to God

I think we conversed a while

 

I said hi and we lit our joints

I told him how I betrayed myself

 

And how I’ve deceived the morals I held

He laughed and grinned

Puffed and I smirked

 

As I spoke of how I had finally achieved peace

He told me I was lying and that he could see

I smiled because he knew and said I agreed

How I am a shallow being lost and not seen

 

I asked him all this time where he had been?

He told me he was there but just not with me

I told him my purpose feels absent and obsolete

He said I’m not alone in this feel

 

I looked at the decaying rizla, smoke dancing on my hands

I knew God would be gone now as soon as the show ends

And I would have to light one again, in a while

To see him again

To talk our ends

My first time.

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 The first time they told me not to do drugs I was 15 and my parents made a big deal About how addiction was bad About how it ruined lives The irony of it all was My father smoked a lot Addicted to his Bensons and pot My mother took her pills Addicted to valiums and whatnot Addiction was bad they said Good girls! Don’t do drugs Promise us child? You won’t ever touch wine. You won’t ever touch a pill Or consume anything that kills I agreed because I had to What more can a cornered person do? Four years down the road Now, that I know Why addiction was bad That the illusions do not last Love, life, lust, faith, dreams, future All crashes down like a house of cards And you are alone to face reality Addiction does not ruin you. It certainly does not What ruins you is the void in your heart That you fill with rum every night That empty space on the bed Where you crave the presence of them at times It does not always have to be alcohol and powder filled packs Or magic mushrooms or even hash It is that lingering space in your entity That has been broken and dejected by the world It is that question mark left on your heart And the thud of your heartbeat in the silence of the dark.


The first time they told me not to do drugs
I was 15 and my parents made a big deal
About how addiction was bad
About how it ruined lives
The irony of it all was
My father smoked a lot
Addicted to his Bensons and pot
My mother took her pills
Addicted to valiums and whatnot
Addiction was bad they said
Good girls! Don’t do drugs
Promise us child?
You won’t ever touch wine.
You won’t ever touch a pill
Or consume anything that kills
I agreed because I had to
What more can a cornered person do?
Four years down the road
Now, that I know
Why addiction was bad
That the illusions do not last
Love, life, lust, faith, dreams, future
All crashes down like a house of cards
And you are alone to face reality
Addiction does not ruin you.
It certainly does not
What ruins you is the void in your heart
That you fill with rum every night
That empty space on the bed
Where you crave the presence of them at times
It does not always have to be alcohol and powder filled packs
Or magic mushrooms or even hash
It is that lingering space in your entity
That has been broken and dejected by the world
It is that question mark left on your heart
And the thud of your heartbeat in the silence of the dark.

China Doll

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I used to play house with my china dolls when I was eight
The dawn, the day, the night
All happened in a single day

I wanted to be an artist when I was ten
Colored out of the lines at times
But I was a Picasso of my own back then

I wanted to be a dancer when I as twelve
Swing on the staircase and tip toe on the wooden floor
I pretended to be a ballerina all delicate but bold

I wanted to be a doctor when I was fourteen
Help the poor with all my might
Even though the sight of blood would make me cringe

I wanted to be a pilot when I was sixteen
Fly fighter planes and serve my country
Gain a medal or two for my bravery

I wanted to fall in love when I was eighteen
Find my prince and Disney fairytale
And live my happily ever after or something like that

I’m nineteen now
I’m one of the china dolls that I used to play house with
I’m an artist but I lost all my colors
I dance in the moonlight drunk to my heart content
I’m a doctor of my own now chugging in pills to kill the voices in my head
I became a pilot and would go sky high with a few hits of heroin in my veins
I fell in love and out of it like a gambler that wore her heart on her sleeve
For all I want now is to survive
With my demons, myself and I
To go to bed without taking a pill at night.