Tag Archives: poem

For my lover with attachment issues

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Sometimes, I wonder if I am only worth your time
When you have nothing better to do
A lot of times, I wonder if this is the real me?
I coughed ropes the other night
Every twist and knot
A reminder
Of how I have become a blend of what you want me to be
and
What I am for you
With two left feet
I went into the world to find myself
And in the process
got more lost
Now, I think more about dying than living
And can’t help but wonder
when it became so easy?
I was the first person to break my own heart when nobody did
Realized I was born from shards of broken hearts
But how does a circle and a square fit?
They don’t, just ask at my parents
Sometimes, I wonder if it was the right thing to do
To love myself before I loved you
But you’re never here on nights when I feel like drowning
Only I am, pretending to be brave before the demons
With the love I have for myself
I fight
And I am thankful that you come to me during your lonely nights
Because it gave me courage to survive mine

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When life takes a turn

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There are many paths in life a man could take

One of them is temptation

The other is resistance

Temptation is sensual; it dresses in red

She holds a cigarette in her right hand and waits for you

Promising to sway you away from the worries of life

Ignore the world that has formed concrete pavements on your chest

Temptation doesn’t promise you life but it promises you temporary relief

Resistance is fierce; it has a silver armor on

He doesn’t have anything but a will to fight

Promising that if you don’t give in then the future might be bright

The concrete world will get knocked down but with time

Resistance doesn’t promise relief but it promises you a good fight

It tells you that there are many things in this world

That would kill you in far worse ways than you can imagine

But you don’t have to be one of them

Temptation makes you a loaded gun

Resistance makes you not shoot yourself

It takes courage to be loaded six rounds straight

And not pull the trigger

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And its mostly on days
I play pretend being dead
The world is quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome air around me
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge
You

Unfitted Lover

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When we were together
I wrote poems about you on nights that I couldn’t sleep
And on those mornings you would read them
You said that you fell more in love with me
I’m more efficient in penning my love down
Heck, penning everything down
Than verbal proficiency
You liked the concept of twins
When I told you that I’m not one but two
So it’s hard to tell which part is at play
And you said you loved each part
Regardless

When we were together
You adored the inner child
The reckless brat who sought thrill
Took uncalculated risks just to land bruised
Someone who would jump when you counted to three
You liked the taste of burning skin on ice
The highs came with the lows
The ecstatic and erratic self
Countered days of being depressed without much reason
Those days
You said that you’ll be the one rowing us across this ocean
My bones won’t sink and I will make it through
I believed you

When we were together
My poems got annoying
You wanted more spoken words than poetry
I opened my chest to show you that I’m more riddles than simple sentences
You felt that I was putting you in danger
I showed you the last time I fell and ended up with a bruise on my right leg
The highs were dangerous and the lows drained you of energy
You let my bones sink on days when I couldn’t get out of bed
Nobody rowed me across the ocean and I was stranded
Floating
I swam to the shore on my own

When you left
I still searched for you on the shore
Now, I try to be more words than poetry
I write less now and try talking more
I take small steps and drive slow
I sleep more and don’t let my bones sink in on the bad days
I work and never let the gloom takeover
I’m one person not two
I try to be whole

Will this be enough to bring you back home?

The traffic on the highway

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The construction on the highway
Has the traffic crawling
So I cannot normally cruise
But rather spend long hours in line
Stuck
Looking at blank faces
Men and women
Some have children in the backseats
Looking ahead
To nowhere

The rush hour has everyone
Running back to their homes
To their bored lives
Running to watch soap operas
Which shows a life of romantic grandiose
The likes they will never live but only see on the telly
Running to watch the news
Cursing the government but unable to start a revolution
Running to the end of the day
Only to start again

What we need is a revolt
Against our old systems
Rip it out from the root and burn it
Throw it in the air

But we don’t
Because, a revolt against the system would mean
A revolt against self
We’re quick to take action against others
Not ourselves

I pick a bottle of whiskey on my way
Running to no way particularly
Cheers to my own revolution
I smirk
Maybe, I’ll be a changed man
Or so I would like to think

In memory of you

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When I first met you
I liked how fast paced you were
The thrill excited me
You once asked me, why we were friends?
I said, you’re exciting to be with and you teach me things
You laughed and asked what things?
Well, I could not answer then
But now I know exactly what you taught me

Love will always conquer hate
But never enough
Truth will always take you close
But never close enough
Happiness is everything in between
Your hand and my hand
Tiny but plausible enough
Life will always make you breathless
But never enough to knock you out

Until it does
And you are six feet under
Cold
Unable to come back
In that case, it is enough

You were always just so much
But never enough

May you watch the heavens burn, kid
Or
Wait a while
I’ll bring a lighter soon enough

Rest in peace
With lots of love but never enough

I think I loved you

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I once loved a person.
He was a mysterious book
where every chapter ended with cliffhangers
I was hooked
I read the book and paid attention to details
A good reader learns between the lines

I once loved a person
Who made me a part of the mystery
Only a killer can stitch you up in between fine prose
Find a way to hide you in plain sight
In between the cracks of pavements
Or spill you like the color palette of a sunset
Without anyone noticing

I once loved a person made of mysteries
Who made me forget myself
Replaced it with the charm of aloofness
Shrugging off 5 am sadness
With stories that made you want more
But never get enough of
Then the person left with an ending that just didn’t fit right

So I picked up the pen
And wrote my own mystery
You know that is the thing about falling in love with mysteries
You become a cliffhanger to your own story

A poem for your manipulator

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I’ve been too afraid to lose people. So much so that in order to make room for their personality, I diminish mine. I learnt it from my parents. My mother turned from monsoon rain to a chaotic thunderstorm. My father became the ruins rather than the fire.

I make room for his,
dreams
aspirations
hopes
love
goals
in this process of providing space. The little of myself I was left with is crumpled in the corner. To keep a love one has to bend.
One has to change.
One has to make room.
One has to apologize.
One has to let go because love,
Love is worth keeping
Love is worth fighting for
But love is toxic
When he tells you that you should be sorry for your choices. When he makes you feel like you do not exist except for his shadow. When he makes sure you know that he has the string and you’re just a puppet. When his silence screams at your face more than his words. When he tells you that he will leave. When he emotionally manipulates you with your answers and you can’t do anything about it. When he takes the little space that you had.

I’ve been too afraid to lose people. But, I’ve realized I’m more afraid to lose myself.

Life taught me love

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I have learnt
That
Loving and living aren’t so different
Both need commitment and time
You need to put in effort
Until, it becomes involuntary
So on days where you don’t feel like breathing
Your lungs refuse to give up
And just so
Loving someone is the same
On days when you feel like leaving
Someone ought to hold you back

Psychedelic Sundays

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I have been searching for home
In between heartbeats
Among familiar eyes
Across unfamiliar lips
Walking and running
Sometimes towards it
And other times
Away

Never truly understanding the concept
Of having a home
Be it literal
Or metaphorical
Not knowing home
Always felt right
When you realize that there is
Nothing to fall back upon

I met a nomad, once
Who didn’t speak of wisdom
He kept talking about life
In a haze of smoke and wine
This is all I’ve ever known
He said
And I don’t regret it one bit
Because not every soul is meant
To find a home
Some just like to wander
Among bodies
And situations

Not everyone is meant to love
A glacial heart
And a fiery soul
But this is all I’ve ever known
And this is all you will ever know

So if you’ve never known home
And made hotels out of people
For temporary stay
It’s okay
Or maybe it’s not
And I’m just another fucker
Taking it out on the general lot