Tag Archives: people

Growing up

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The one thing I hate about the process of growing up is realizing the limitations of my relationships with people. It’s a painstaking procedure because one day you’re stargazing with them and the next day you’re afraid to make eye contact. It is absolutely why I don’t let people get close. I’m afraid that the reminiscent of someone else will shine. Maybe, they will fail to find anything but the probability is that they will walk upon something that I would rather not have them see. I find myself walking between comfortable nostalgia and the coldness of familiarity.
It’s not that I don’t want to love but rather not hold onto the facile belief of safety, either.

Love in the 90’s

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When I was 8
A boy in my class gave me a book
Of rhymes
He said he loved me
And decided to give me something
That I liked
Poetry
 
Back then
I didn’t know much about love
Except for a word tossed around
To make people happy
So I told him to rhyme something with it
He didn’t
I said
I love you too
And it rhymed
 
You see I liked the way two words
Came
Together
Different but with the same sound
At the end
Sort of like this
I love you
I love you too
And it makes all the difference

Preferences

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I’ve always preferred the fake.
Fake people
Fake intentions
And a fake reality
While the world boasts about being “real”, I say, “Give me the fake ones, Charles”. You see when you’re given the fake it’s easier to access the real. The sugarcoated fakeness helps pinning down exactly what is real within. When you’re real it’s too boring. Don’t equate being real with bravery. Everyone is scared. Bravery isn’t exposing your scars to the world. Everyone is scared so they hide. Bravery is how expertly you hide something with sugarcoated words and feelings. I like fake people, they’re more honest in their struggle. They know what they don’t have so they make it up. Now, you’re going to say that this is all fake but fake is what I like.

A poem for the outcasts

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Dear You
Who has learned to stand still
With your back straight and your feet
Clenched to the ground
While the world keeps turning
From underneath
Do not let this break you
Hold on to your ground

Dear you
Who has always kept her head
Above the tides
Drowning means failure
Your thoughts become too loud
Up in your mind
Do not let this break you
Hold on to your shore

Dear you
The one that fell in love with breathing
As soon as you inhale
It quickly leaves
Promising to come again
As you exhale
Do not let this daunt you
Hold on to your love

Dear you
Who practices smiling every morning
In front of the mirror
Putting aside the turmoil within
A perfect pinned smile
In hopes that it would become real one day
Do not let this discourage you
Hold on to your hope

Dear you
The one who looks at the weather
Perfect blue sky
And a bright sun
Your inside is hurricane
Promising rain
Do not let this sadden you
Hold on to your umbrella

Dear you
Who learns all about sanity
And practices sane behavior
It’s okay to let yourself slip
In the oil slicked room
Of your insane mind
Do not clutch to their normal
Hold on to your weird

Dear you
The junkie
The dipsomaniac
The hypochondriac
The bipolar
The manic depressed
The psychotic
The schizophrenic
The pyromaniac
The narcissist
The compulsive liar
The megalomaniac

This poem is for you

Life lessons

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More often than not, I have read that people will come and go. Nobody will stay permanently in your life and just like the July winds don’t stay long enough to beat the heat, people won’t stay for long. I’ve always tried holding on to them because to me society dictated rules that we’re more individualistic. It has become a fashion to complain about the temporariness of things. Commitments are a drag and we move in a circle with a pace that gives us limited time.
Men and women around me joke about love being an illusion. People giggle at the word compromise and call it a weakness. If they can’t handle you at your worst then they don’t deserve you at your best-is a phrase my friends often repeat.
Why do we expect that someone will tolerate when we’re brought up on the ideals of being rigid?
I remember how he looked into my eyes and said that they we’re too big. About how my nose was too small and hands to thin. He told me that brewing poetry behind closed doors was insane. He had to leave because I’m too weak. During that moment I thought about Bukowski and Hunter.
“Your love killed you so let us drink to that.”, said Bukowski.
“The ticket was worth the ride but it is time to get off”, said Hunter.

I let the beliefs of the society settle in gradually. So they defined my ideals, that love is an illusion and compromise is weakness. Accommodation doesn’t mean that they can walk all over me. Now, I smile at people who were once close and don’t let them know that they killed my soul.

Hey, awake?

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Your favorite quotes can tell a lot about you

When you put it up as your status

Or your favorite song

Why do you switch it on when you’re both driving around?

I heard you like to read that book, again and again

When the world has you down, it is all there is

Your favorite person can tell wonders about your soul

Even when you haven’t talked to them in ages

And so when you’re tucked in bed

Trying not to think about the world

You read Bukowski

Wonderwall starts playing in the background

And all you could do is reach out

With a

“Hey, awake?”

Home and I.

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I keep walking and along the way meet strangers who speak more of soul than just bodies.
I take one step forward and two back ending up in lone corridors with demons who speak of wisdom never spoken of before.
I dance in the muse of the night under the sky with no moon and only stars while looking up hoping to find God.
I hear lies on the lips of priests who have black hearts preaching to the crowd of goodness in the world.
I stare back into empty eyes and find stories the world never knew before.
I have seen broken wings take charge of the air with a single struggle.
I open up like a book to whoever shows me kindness and a bit of love.
My inside is rubble and my outside is just the same. I carry scars like warrior marks and my heart chained to the walls of my ribcage.
I howl at the moon and see through the mountains the dimly lit city below waving “hello” to me.
I hear sirens when the lights go out and screams when people surround me.
Nothing is audible to the world around me but I hear the thud of a broken heart and screeches of a dying soul.
…Everyone speaks of home as a destination and here I am trying to carve one on spot.

A letter to myself.

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Dear heart
Sometimes you have to write letters to yourself. You need to write letters and remember  that life is not all rainbows and butterflies. You need to write and let yourself know that a warrior resides in your soul who has been through tougher situations and moved forward so this time when you feel like shutting the world out and cornering yourself in sheets, read this.Do not shut the lights out and the world for the person who broke you. Embrace the world with your broken self.

You have to know that once you were in the same state but emerged out of it, so let us not give up dear heart and struggle,again.
Firstly, please, don’t give room to people in your heart whose first intention is to break it. You see the signals and the warning signs-you’ve dealt with such people of the sort before-run! Run away as fast as you can when you acknowledge that they will only bring out the depression lingering in your blood. People are not always as they appear to be and so even if they have excuses justifying their acts, RUN! Don’t look back  or give them second chances, third chances or in your cases a million chances hoping that they will change. Hoping that their behavior might change just because you love them and they claim to love you back. Anyone who hurts you with words and stabs you with bitter sentences is not worth love. People have the tendency to chain you down and harm you. You’ve been harmed before, so expect no mercy that this time it will be different. It never will be different. People are the same. You will suffer and learn. You’ll realize that the grave is ready and you need to dump what you cherish in order to move on.
Silence. Learn that your only weapon against anyone whose hurt you to the core is silence. Do not hurt them back with bitter words or physical harm. You remain quiet and leave. Pack your bags or heck! Leave whatever you have but just go. Cherish the memories you have with them but consider them dead. Your mother taught you the meaning of “dead to me”, so apply the rule. Kill the person in your world while he/she is still alive in the other world. You need to respect yourself and not open up to anybody. Build a wall around your tiny heart. Focus on yourself. Let your ribcage be the protection against thunder and hurricane. Do not let it be an abandonment for people who temporarily stay and then go away. Do not open it up for people whose sole intention is to decorate the walls with remorse and destruction.

You love rainbows and butterflies. You love glitter and people who make you laugh. Go after them. Be with someone who gives a fuck about you. Do not chase people who won’t even look at you unless they have a motive to seek your company.
Be kind. Be gentle. Be honest. Be all of these things with yourself, first and then with others. You’re too scared of the world so take it in bit by bit. No need to rush or hurry. Time and people will mold your opinions and your personality. Heck! Look at yourself? Almost 20 years and you’ve changed so much. You’re going to change. You’re going to meet people who will be sweet on the surface but with bitter cores.

Forgive. Yes, forgive anyone and everyone who ever did you wrong. Forgive not because they need it but because you need to grow in life. Carrying burdens of the past will do you no good, dear heart. Some are dead and others are just strangers-live with that. Take a deep breath. Your silence is enough to let them know that their existence is dead to you. Do not go after them. Do not run because during lonely nights you miss them. Don’t go back to someone that has the least respect for you. Don’t start things that will do more harm to you then good.
I know you won’t listen right now but till my fingers can type and my mind is sane, I’ll try my best to guide you, dear heart.

People like us.

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Then there are people like us
Who are bathed in black and blue
People who walk away from the crowds
Who smile and nod at everyone, thinking
“I need to get the hell out of here!”

Then there are people like us
Who don’t run after others when abandoned
People who just let the world be
Who run towards fire and chaos, yelling
“Please, take me”

Then there are people like us
Who don’t care about money or fancy things to survive
People who will sit on the sidewalk to pass the time
Who watch as the truck goes down the road, imagining
“I would crash into this someday, I know.”

Then there are people like us
Who love with honesty and burning intensity
People who will give you their fucking heart, if you ask
Whose heart you break and they say
“Hmm, well I’m glad you did the honors because this won’t be my first or last.”

Then there are people like us
Who you see everyday in school or empty parking lots
People who daydream and write poetry on their arms
Who toss around words like they mean nothing at all, knowing
“If it makes someone happy then its worth it no matter how hard.”