Tag Archives: past

Drowning in the present


And I went to the cafè
You know
The one where we went
Last time
I took a seat opposite
To where we were sitting
That day

And I realized
You had freed me from my past
We set fire to that bridge
Long ago
During summer nights

The anchor of the future
That didn’t let me sink
Had let me go
I have nothing to hold on to

Now, here I am trying to float
In the present
Keeping my head above the water
When in reality

You do know that I don’t know
How to swim
In a present so unfamilar
And you decided to watch me drown

On my chest


The world sits on my chest
And beats
Its claws dig into me
Yesterday, I used to be young
Carefree and unchained
Drifting through the wind
Today, I lay
Beneath the rubble
Of the past
And the thought of growing old
Without a hand to hold
Makes my skin linger
But then I wonder
Afterall this time
I’ve learnt to hug myself
So why
Wait for anyone
When I can save myself
From this world
On my chest

Wonderful, isn’t it?


Sometimes the walls close up on me

And then by the door stands sadness

As I curl in with my sins

Sometimes the walls close up on me


It seems like a carousel

A kaleidoscopic pattern of future dreams

Hanging in between hope and despair

It seems like a carousel


Am I alive or long dead?

Questions that cannot be answered

By the living or the dead

Am I alive or long dead?


I would chase down my demons

It is a pattern of loathing

As I run away farther but only come close to myself

I would chase down my demons


I think that the world inside is more colorful

Never coloring within the lines

Telling myself more truths than lies

I think the world inside is more colorful

Every night.


And if you find yourself alone after midnight
Thinking about the day
Things you could have said
People you could have met
Past events or just people you miss
A stroll down the memory lane
Then, my dear
You’re a mess of a person just like myself
Who holds a galaxy on the palm of their hands
And writes conversations across the dark sky
Only to vanish when the sun comes up
Each night
Every night



Lately, I’ve been seeing that my extremist tendencies take the best of me. I have no midpoint and my emotions are all over the place, but nobody sees them because I camouflage the tsunami as mild winter rain.
Ever second my heart is bombarded with a surge of emotional rush and I can’t help but control the tears that fill my eyes as my nose turns red.
I’m like a pendulum which keeps swinging and crashing between two poles minute by minute, not halting at mid.

I need a midpoint. Its hard? I feel it becoming unbearable to control my extremist tendencies. It’s either north or west, left or right. Why can’t I ever have a ground where I stand firmly in between? watch the world from there. Everything laid on the ground and open for the world to see. I dig up whatever I lost. My people, myself, my home, my friends and mostly my place. I need to carve a home in this midpoint. I cannot and race between the two extremes. A fugitive.
I have taken up people as a hobby to distract myself from the things that keep me awake at night. I have taken up work to keep my mind busy. I’m afraid to look inside and find no soul or a damaged one.

Lately, I’ve been seeing that I’m meeting other souls and I see kindness in them and a lot of love, but as I camouflage my extremism they camouflage the love they have to give to the world- appearing, “normal”- as I do. We all blend in quiet well.

*and as she sipped on her last glass of whiskey, the typewriter halted and the only thing that lingered in the air was-a feeling of being lost yet knowing where to find herself.*

Don’t look back


Don’t look back. Didn’t I tell you? Just don’t look back. It never does you any good. Hear me? It never does. Never look back. I keep on repeating this but you never seem to listen. If you have to close a door then shut it behind you but never look back.

If you drop something then leave it there. No point in going back to pick it up. Leave it. Don’t look back. Never look back. I keep on repeating this but you never hear me. Listen to me once. Don’t look back. If the voices call you and scream your name just don’t look back.
Don’t open the doors you have once closed. Never open them. You closed it off for a reason in the first place. Never chase anything that will lead you back. Never do. Keep you face forward and your eyes always ahead. If you have to look sideways then do, but never look back.
Looking back never does anyone good. It doesn’t. The most awful part is that looking back can be consuming. You wouldn’t want to be consumed so deeply and not get out.
Make it simple and never look back. Cut off all that holds you back and never look back. Never do. You left it for a reason there so now learn to walk ahead.
It might try dragging you from your collar or your legs but please don’t look back. No matter how desperate the call is never look back. It can play manipulative tactics to convince you to look back but please, hear me, never do.

For, looking back will only haunt you and bring pain. Hear me, never look back.

*He kept on repeating these words every single day on the sidewalk be it summer, winter or autumn.*