Tag Archives: Pain

Observations

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Give yourself time and maybe you will be lucky enough to forget.
Time and human distress travel in parallel paths. Time does not heal. Human beings just get better at tolerating it. You get conditioned to the pain, making it a habitual part of your existence that puts an unstable mind into a more stable state. Human beings do not like an unstable state of mind. Time is relative to pain in the sense of making us more tolerable and later immune to what had hurt us before.

Observations

Standard

Give yourself time and maybe you will be lucky enough to forget.
Time and human distress travel in parallel paths. Time does not heal. Human beings just get better at tolerating it. You get conditioned to the pain, making it a habitual part of your existence that puts an unstable mind into a more stable state.

Human beings do not like an unstable state of mind. Time is relative to pain in the sense of making us more tolerable and later immune to what had hurt us before.

Living is not easy.

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Living is not easy
When you have regrets
Wrapped around your neck like a noose
When you have bitter memories
Decorated on your heart like a spider web

Living is not easy
When your eyes are blank and weary
And you have to drag yourself out of bed
Gulp down the last shot of whiskey to numb down
Fill your gut with pills to pass out

Living is not easy
When the past keeps you up till dawn
And you praise your demons for their wicked games
When the day seems unbearable and you need to escape
So you contemplate crashing your car on the highway

Living is not easy
When pieces of your broken heart begin to resonate in your veins
And you take pleasure in the pain
When darkness becomes your world
You hide under sheets during weekends to avoid friends

Living is not easy
I assure you that, my love
But I was born to struggle
I was born to gamble this life
Everything will fade away
And so will this life

My bipolar life.

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You see the clouds in dark glory claiming the night. Bitter cold that seeps loneliness in your bones.
Its just you who popped another pill and gulped another drink. Blood twirling down your naked wrist is a ballerina just starting her show.

Your heart beats against your chest in a desire to be let out. The cold in your ribcage is killing it and you hear howls of pain, agonizing calls of help from within yourself.
Remember, you killed all your saviors and bid a farewell to those you liked.
While, lovers make the angels sigh to be humans behind closed doors, you make the devil be proud of not being human.

Let madness dance in the air as you lay staring in open space. Infatuation with voids is a developing cure to all that your soul cannot bear.

Its after midnight. Your voices shunned. The screams hushed into a corner and you lay as the crimson shade dances on your skin, thinking?

Life is a bipolar bitch and I am its abusive victim with no escape.

Darli’n let me tell you.

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You will sit in your room and think about your broken heart and how clumsy your ex lover was with it. Fragile, innocent and warm now left broken, disoriented and cold.
They tiptoed in your life with all the sunshine they could offer and left crashing through the walls leaving everything dark.

Searching to fill the void created by them and in hopes of getting your heart fixed, you will knock on doors and readily fall for anyone who provides a sense of home only to realize that you got more lost.

Lost in the darkness that they left, you will hope to find someone who will make you feel whole again and take your broken heart in their palms gently in an attempt to fix it. You will throughout the journey look at them with hungry and worried eyes. They say they won’t break it but now, you can never be sure.

Darlin’, let me tell you that your heart will break a million times before you can find someone who will be the one to fix it forever. Get lost in the darkness and explore all that you want. Feel the happiness but be sure to feel the pain as well. Life is bitter mostly but cherish the sweet parts of it. Open the door for anyone who knocks and help them. Try helping those who can’t be beneficial to you.
Be your own sunshine and try living as its the last day you’ll ever feel the happiness of a warm cup of coffee on a cold winters night.

A chase

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Its like I’m always running. Running from myself at times and mostly from others. I’ve been running for so long that I have forgotten the touch of others. Even my body feels foreign to me. I am numb inside and out. My soles are bruised and wounded, when I take a step away from others I feel nothing. I like feeling nothing.

I run and run in hopes of never encountering anyone.

Under the star filled sky and the shimmering moon or even the blazing sun in the vast desert, nothing stops me.

I don’t mind it now. I have split skin and torn lungs. My heart withered into a corner. I don’t bleed now from places where he jagged his claws. I don’t shed tears now in pain. I smile and run. I don’t give them the chance to tear me open and see my hollow insides bathed in memories. I even run from memories. I’m always running away and to be honest, I don’t mind it.

Its like I’m always running. Running from myself at times and mostly from others.

Not many choices.

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It is not like you have much choice when you miss them.
Those little gestures that made you feel special than ever. The universe seemed complete when they clutched your hand in a busy street so you know they would never leave you. Among the crowd you will always have them.
The way they put roses in your hair and jasmine in your wrist, they will wilt like all things do,but the essence will live on.
Sharing coffee on the terrace at 5 p.m while the sun gently sets taking away all the worries of the day with it.
Exchange of glances at a party.
Morning kisses infused in your bloodstream like heroin in your veins.
They engulf you, break down the walls you built up high to protect yourself and become the poison with no antidote.
You find yourself wishing on that tiny star, hoping and praying.
God I wish this to last forever and if it is a dream then never let me wake up.
But,
People change and time changes.
You are made to suffer more than your poor bones can handle and suffer a pain that sets your veins blazing.
No pain killer can cure this ache, no morphine can numb it down.
Like it built up, it falls apart and slips away.
Within minutes, you find yourself on your knees trying to make sense of the broken pieces.
You try to fix something that is broken beyond repair and in the process those shards dig in deeper.
Bruise you and make you bleed.
It is then a struggle to fix yourself from there on onwards.
Put the pieces together and be yourself, again
You survive.
Learn with time to live the way it is and put on a facade
Until, night creeps up and you miss them
It is not much of a choice when you miss them when the clock strikes five, now do you?

Finding herself.

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“If someone is out there. God. Satan. Anyone, who can hear me. Save me. Save me from myself”, she looked up to the sky and screamed her heart out and dropped to her knees pleading.

A voice replied,

“Silly child, you’re a writer. Writers are liars in a world so real and what they are, is terribly false. Insanity is in your blood and it will make you suffer more than your poor bones can handle, more than your fragile heart can take”

And the suffering continued in search of a lost soul.

My first time.

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 The first time they told me not to do drugs I was 15 and my parents made a big deal About how addiction was bad About how it ruined lives The irony of it all was My father smoked a lot Addicted to his Bensons and pot My mother took her pills Addicted to valiums and whatnot Addiction was bad they said Good girls! Don’t do drugs Promise us child? You won’t ever touch wine. You won’t ever touch a pill Or consume anything that kills I agreed because I had to What more can a cornered person do? Four years down the road Now, that I know Why addiction was bad That the illusions do not last Love, life, lust, faith, dreams, future All crashes down like a house of cards And you are alone to face reality Addiction does not ruin you. It certainly does not What ruins you is the void in your heart That you fill with rum every night That empty space on the bed Where you crave the presence of them at times It does not always have to be alcohol and powder filled packs Or magic mushrooms or even hash It is that lingering space in your entity That has been broken and dejected by the world It is that question mark left on your heart And the thud of your heartbeat in the silence of the dark.


The first time they told me not to do drugs
I was 15 and my parents made a big deal
About how addiction was bad
About how it ruined lives
The irony of it all was
My father smoked a lot
Addicted to his Bensons and pot
My mother took her pills
Addicted to valiums and whatnot
Addiction was bad they said
Good girls! Don’t do drugs
Promise us child?
You won’t ever touch wine.
You won’t ever touch a pill
Or consume anything that kills
I agreed because I had to
What more can a cornered person do?
Four years down the road
Now, that I know
Why addiction was bad
That the illusions do not last
Love, life, lust, faith, dreams, future
All crashes down like a house of cards
And you are alone to face reality
Addiction does not ruin you.
It certainly does not
What ruins you is the void in your heart
That you fill with rum every night
That empty space on the bed
Where you crave the presence of them at times
It does not always have to be alcohol and powder filled packs
Or magic mushrooms or even hash
It is that lingering space in your entity
That has been broken and dejected by the world
It is that question mark left on your heart
And the thud of your heartbeat in the silence of the dark.