Tag Archives: human nature

Pretty&Broken-10

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It is 2 am and the only sound in the dimly lit room is of the clock ticking. Empty bottles on the floor and cigarette buds are a common sight. Wasted like a gambler who traded in all his cards to lose whatever he had, I had nothing much to begin with but now, I know the true meaning of nothing.
When I was a kid, I thought the, term “the sky is falling”, really meant that someday it will fall and the strings it is attached to above my head will break. I liked the idea of something so big and mighty crumbling.
When I was a kid, I thought the term “the earth split open and swallowed it whole”, meant that the earth tore open to engulf whatever it wanted. I liked the idea of being so small in comparison to something so big.
I liked pretending that whenever my car drove over a bridge it will collapse and I will be beneath the rubble of something that I once walked on. I liked the idea of everything being temporary, even myself.
Now, 19 the silence resonates in my bones like all other elements that I drank to pass the night away. I realized that people fall apart and come crashing down into nothingness within seconds. I don’t have to be swallowed by the earth to disappear but shunning the world out is much easier than trying to fit in. I don’t have to be big to feel small, I have always been small no matter how big I got. It doesn’t take much to collapse like a house of cards and is much easier. I drown into the well of nothingness each day without a sound, without a rush, with silence and the world moves on.
It is dark and I lay here with chemicals hitting my bloodstream. They embrace me like a lover after years of separation and I concluded that every gambler who once lost has to get back in the game. The game carries on and even if you have your soul left to bet, bet on it and play.

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Irony

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Somewhere out there a person under the grey sky is making rope from jute
Laboring away his life
Struggling to feed himself and be alive
Dodging death and poisons

Somewhere out there a person in his dingy little room is tying a noose
Preparing to embrace death
Deaf to life around him
Walking towards death and poisons

It’s ironic, you see?
Some struggle to live
While,
Others struggle to die.

A broken dove

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I’m a dove who fractured her wings and could not fly. I was in pain and you became the tree that sheltered me. Gave me a home so my poor bones could heal. Protected me from the raging storms and hid me from the catastrophic winds. I took refuge in your branches and claimed you my home. You stood tall in your glory, fighting for both of us.

Time went by and my broken wings healed. You saw me as I flew away and I didn’t hear you call me back. You didn’t try to captivate me. You encouraged me to soar the skies.

I guess, because you always knew that this broken dove would come back to you. No matter, how high she flew  or how many trees she claimed as hers, there is a part of her that only you will have.

You will welcome her with open arms, no matter how much time has passed and even if she crashes down from Eden, your branches will be the only place she will first take refuge.

For that, this broken dove cannot thank you enough.

Born into a society

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I am born into a society
Where death is a blessing and life a curse
Where humans are statistics and numbers
60 killed and 25 injured

I am born into a society
Where the rich get richer
The poor die hungry
Where food is enough and plenty
But thrown out into the streets

I am born into a society
Where empty smiles hide unhappiness
Money and sex are answer to all
Where people chug in alcohol to forget
Depression is common and pills are frequent

I am born into a society
That consumes more than it can take
Greedy eyes and full stomachs
Where massive consumption is okay
Power is the only outlet and defeat not an option

I am born into a society
Where the law of money prevails
Thrown into never ending wars
Not of our making
We fight for any glorious name

I am born into a society
Where hospitals treat the privilege
The lesser ones die on the pavements
Where old men control young lives
Grin and laugh while the labor class dies

I am born into a society
Where being a girl is a shame
You need a man to walk with you
To protect you and feed you
Or else get chewed up by the wolves and later thrown away

I am born into a society
Where nobody knows what happiness is
The jails are full and the asylums plenty
Everyone pretends to be the best
And yet crumble in powerful hands

I am born into a society
Where freedom is a state of mind
It remains not an expression but a word
You get shot in the head
Or locked up
If you say what is on your mind

I am born into a society
That glorifies wrong
That is divided into classes
The lower ones get nothing at all

I am born into a society
Where boundaries are plenty
Harmony nowhere to be found
Where color, creed and race define you
Not the deeds that you have done

I am born into a society
Where we are a part of somebody else’s story
Too afraid to write our own

I am a product of this society
Too tangled in chains and ropes
Of religion, nation and imposed ideals.

I am a product of this society
Who claims to be happier, healthy and perfect
Unaware what lies deep in my soul

Hollow but brave

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You need a drunken state
For your sober thoughts
You need a broken heart
For your meaningful words
You need all that you cannot have
To dispose all that you do
You’re drunk and high on the idea that
Some people can save your soul
Some things can make you happy
While the reality is
The ones who you think can save you
Only end up killing you

I am a warrior

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I am a warrior cut out from the finest marble
Fragile to look at
Don’t take my fragility for my weakness
For I have been cut and shaped from blades

I have gone through ice and fire
To become the marvel that you see

I stand tall in all my glory
I don’t fall in my gore
For me the world goes behind
I tread a path
Two steps always ahead

I have gone through hell and heaven
To become the marvel that you see

I refuse to back down
I refuse to become a slave
I will do whatever I please
Diminish your poor bones in the palm of my hand
Worship your existence like the Greek Gods
You cannot phantom my being
You cannot pin me down

I have gone through love and hate
To become the marvel that you see

I became

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This is what I became.
A dedication to someone dead.
An ode to all the addictions.
A poem to the heartbroken.
A story to the suicidal.
A piece of prose to the depressed.
A rhyme to those who loved.
A quote to the distressed.
I became immortal in the heart of many mortals.
I became the poison.
I became the cure.
I painted my soul and whispered to the heaven above
This is how I will cherish
This is how I will perish.
This is what I became.

Purple avenue.

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I know it is you knocking on the doors whenever thunder comes. You know I will take you in like the last time I did. I will stand tall against the storm and provide you the shelter you need.

I know it is you screaming from beneath the sheets of illusion you wear. You want to shun out reality and seek solace in me because you know that I can stand the harsh realities of time and protect your dreams.

I know it is you running towards me when your infatuations go away. You end up with your broken heart on my doorstep, asking me to fix it. I do, because you know I have endured the pain of being broken to the core.

I know it is you sneaking up on me. Tip toeing in my life every now and then, asking for me to make you whole so you can only leave again. Walking down the purple avenue with your head up high and that childish grin.

Trust me love, I know it is you. I always have.

Anymore

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Nothing in life seems to be enough anymore
The heroin that crashed once like waves in my veins does not seem enough anymore
The hash in my cigarette that numbed me down does not seem enough anymore
Liquor bottles and absolute drinks don’t cease to be enough anymore
My poisons don’t seem enough to kill the demons inside of me anymore
I kept asking for the ocean and got the river instead
Finally, when I got the ocean and drowned
It just doesn’t seem enough anymore
My beating heart doesn’t seem enough to keep me alive anymore
Love and hate, nothing seems enough anymore
My bleeding heart on paper does not seem enough anymore
This whole concept of living does not seem enough anymore
My love, nothing in life seems to be enough anymore

Forget me.

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Hello there. I hope you remember me. I hope you remember all the time you spent with me. Its okay if you don’t. Most people forget. I am an easy person to forget. People get habitual to my existence. I dissolve just like the air around them who is always present but they fail to see its importance. I become a habit. Ordinary and then with time just boring. I fade like a shadow into oblivion. A voice lost in outer space. I don’t blame you for forgetting me. It is the trait of a sane person to forget. You are sane. People forget the little part of their lives they spent with me. They do. None that I know stick around. It has become a part of my life. A part I am comfortably beginning to accept. Let us say I have become numb to the people around me. I do not find the need to be constantly surrounded by people. I in fact loathe human contact. Call me weird. This is just me. I found solace in other things. Things that are deemed unacceptable by the society are my home. I think I lost my soul in the process of “getting along” with people. I am trying to get it back. Broken. Bruised. Dejected. Loathing. It is okay if you forget me. Not everything in life is to be remembered after all. You left me behind in murky waters. I dissolved into it like I was forever a part of it.