Tag Archives: him

Confusions

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I’m not good at letting things so. I guess that is why I try not to get attached. Attachment means vulnerability and I’ve never liked being vulnerable. Sometimes; it means exposing the galaxies inside your chest but how can I if mine is a black hole? I have no justification for what I do at times. The constant manic cycles that leaves you bloodied. Running back to you on lonely nights just to howl outside your door. At one point in time I thought I knew what love was like. It smelt like your cologne and cigarettes. Love tasted like tobacco and caffeine. Love felt a lot like shutting the world out on rainy days. Love was sneaking around with the adrenaline pumping through our veins. It was stolen. Our love was always stolen and sneaky. It was a chase. I still have no justification for leaving.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m not able to let go of you or the feeling of love?

I wrote about us

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We were lying in bed
When you talked about
How
I will pen down this moment
A poem or a piece of prose
On eternal bliss
Of lovers meeting
Reunited after separation of months
That seemed like years

Here
This is your God damn poem
Of when you held my heart in your hand
And crushed it
There is the blood splattered on the floor
When you let your demons
Overshadow
And slaughter the love we had raised
It laughed in my face
In the corner innocence cried its heart out
As it clutched on to what remained of its life
Because, it was dying

This is what you get from love
A pocket full of regrets
And shards of broken dreams
I took the sharpest piece today
Of a broken fairytale
And slithered my wrist
I know you did the same
Carrying around your regrets of the day

You said that moment
Was to be written about under bliss
Cheers! Darling this is to our bliss
Some cigarettes and Chivas
With memories painted in hues of remorse
The only bliss we have ever known

4/6/2016

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I hugged you today
When the day had ended
And I was about to leave

We have done this multiple times
But, today you tried holding onto me
Something that you never did

Time would stop
And we would be eternal
Or maybe it would fix us

You hugged me today
As we said goodbye
Promising to meet again

Knowing that this is the last time
We would ever see eachother, again

Before love turns cold

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Some days we’re like lovers in France
He holds me and kisses my neck
I hold his hand and know that he is mine
Whispering “Iloveyou” into crooked bones
Other days I wander around his body
Trying to find something that would make me fall
In love with him
After he broke my heart
But before he broke my hand
He laughs at me for loving him
Because I don’t really know how to love someone
Unless they are broken and need fixing
“You don’t love, babe” he says
“You try fixing what can never be fixed”
And I see in him a child who lost his way
Seeking shelter in an abandoned house
Hiding behind the sink
So that the cold doesn’t knock him out
It is a game where we both hide
And days go by before one of us is found
On the good days
He lets me in and we crash into each other
Like it is the only way we know how to love
On the bad days
He locks me out
And I become an immigrant in my own house
Trying to find a corner that I can call my own
Last night I asked him to tell me
Three good things about himself
But he couldn’t answer beyond one
Then I asked him to tell me
The three flaws he has
And he stated a list

“What about you?” he said
“I try fixing what can’t be fixed and I don’t know whether this is a flaw or a plus point

Brave enough to forget

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We are courageous enough
To forget the names of those
Who broke us apart
Piece by piece in their palms

But, am I brave enough to forget
The home they carved in my heart
Where ‘forever and after’ was meant to be
A moment in time if not a reality

Am I brave enough to forget
Praying to God to change my fate if he wasn’t in it
Or the way the veins on his hand
Were my map to being found

A lovers wish

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I’ve wished on shooting stars to be near to you
So that I could feel your breath on the nape of my neck
Fall asleep in your arms
Knowing that even if the world falls apart
I’d be one lucky motherfucker to die in my lovers arm

I’ve tossed a lot of coins in the wishing well outside the city
Hoping that your face was the one that I would wakeup to
If not today then God, please make it someday
Morning snuggles
Evening giggles
And dinner date plans
It doesn’t have to be like the movies
We can just sit in bed all day and listen to what you have to say about life
I would give everything and anything just to hold your hand right, now

And its mostly after midnight
When the world goes quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome night
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge

To him

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Holding your hand in the crowd felt much better
Than walking the pavements alone
I’ve always been a loner at heart
My soul doesn’t feel the need to be with people
But, with you it yearns a lot more
It was easy to be on my own
Then you came along and all I wanted was to put my head on your shoulders
Gaze at the star kissed sky
I’ve always wondered why the moon never gets tired
Of orbiting the earth
Always being pulled closer by the gravitational pull
Never does is collide
And now the answer seems simple
Because, i’ve become the moon
Always and forever
Orbiting around you
Never far
But tragically, never near

Wishes!

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Before I write about coffee stains and ink splashes on white sheets
And fireplace snuggles in your favorite pajamas
I want you to know that you were the muse
That started this endless eulogy
Your heart was caught in a forest fire in the middle of December
I came in like the stream of water
When she lit you on fire
I became the ink on your love letters to her
Staining the back of your books until you found the perfect words
I became the tiny scrape on your knee
When you bent down with the rose to ask her out

Today, while you’re off with another girl in your arms. She sits across the table with someone else to celebrate Christmas. Champagne in hand and a clink of glass!
New Year knocks on the door hoping to be a rise for some and a fall for others. You miss the spilled coffee and ink on your sheets. Another woman in front of the fireplace promises to rescue your heart from the fire but she doesn’t know the path to the water stream. You hurry towards parchment in order to stop the suffocation of your heart because the walls are closing in and you have no time at all. Your new pen does not know the crimson ink with which you write love letters or pain. Words were never enough or perfect when it came to your thoughts.
You’re longing for the butterfly in your pit when you scraped your knee for her and I bandaged it for you but the truth is, here you lay wounded with nobody to see you broken because to them? You’re a fine young man. You’re a man with charm and who is on his way to glory.
I became a small part in your life- a pen, a paper and a comfort zone that you left behind in order to pursue greater and better things.
Every passing day reminds you of how I faded away and every night you try to recollect the memories of us under the pale winter moonlight.
Oh! How I wish we would celebrate like we did before when youth gleamed in our eyes and the world was in our feet.