Tag Archives: him

Kiss them drunk

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We’re conditioned to doubt ourselves. To think twice before we act and draw lines between everything. A friend can’t be a lover just as love cannot be synonym to lust. Differentiation is what marks the small space between sanity and insanity. You can’t kiss drunk. You can’t spell love and lust within the bones of the same man. It makes me anxious to see how we’re taught an appropriate behavior. In trying to chase “forever”, we find the present slipping away. Out of reach. Out of grasp. Suddenly, only a concept of what could have been.
Next time maybe, don’t over think and kiss him drunk? Because, there are no right or wrong people. They’re just people who were best for you during that time and now they aren’t anymore.

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Unfitted Lover

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When we were together
I wrote poems about you on nights that I couldn’t sleep
And on those mornings you would read them
You said that you fell more in love with me
I’m more efficient in penning my love down
Heck, penning everything down
Than verbal proficiency
You liked the concept of twins
When I told you that I’m not one but two
So it’s hard to tell which part is at play
And you said you loved each part
Regardless

When we were together
You adored the inner child
The reckless brat who sought thrill
Took uncalculated risks just to land bruised
Someone who would jump when you counted to three
You liked the taste of burning skin on ice
The highs came with the lows
The ecstatic and erratic self
Countered days of being depressed without much reason
Those days
You said that you’ll be the one rowing us across this ocean
My bones won’t sink and I will make it through
I believed you

When we were together
My poems got annoying
You wanted more spoken words than poetry
I opened my chest to show you that I’m more riddles than simple sentences
You felt that I was putting you in danger
I showed you the last time I fell and ended up with a bruise on my right leg
The highs were dangerous and the lows drained you of energy
You let my bones sink on days when I couldn’t get out of bed
Nobody rowed me across the ocean and I was stranded
Floating
I swam to the shore on my own

When you left
I still searched for you on the shore
Now, I try to be more words than poetry
I write less now and try talking more
I take small steps and drive slow
I sleep more and don’t let my bones sink in on the bad days
I work and never let the gloom takeover
I’m one person not two
I try to be whole

Will this be enough to bring you back home?

Confusions

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I’m not good at letting things so. I guess that is why I try not to get attached. Attachment means vulnerability and I’ve never liked being vulnerable. Sometimes; it means exposing the galaxies inside your chest but how can I if mine is a black hole? I have no justification for what I do at times. The constant manic cycles that leaves you bloodied. Running back to you on lonely nights just to howl outside your door. At one point in time I thought I knew what love was like. It smelt like your cologne and cigarettes. Love tasted like tobacco and caffeine. Love felt a lot like shutting the world out on rainy days. Love was sneaking around with the adrenaline pumping through our veins. It was stolen. Our love was always stolen and sneaky. It was a chase. I still have no justification for leaving.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m not able to let go of you or the feeling of love?

I wrote about us

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We were lying in bed
When you talked about
How
I will pen down this moment
A poem or a piece of prose
On eternal bliss
Of lovers meeting
Reunited after separation of months
That seemed like years

Here
This is your God damn poem
Of when you held my heart in your hand
And crushed it
There is the blood splattered on the floor
When you let your demons
Overshadow
And slaughter the love we had raised
It laughed in my face
In the corner innocence cried its heart out
As it clutched on to what remained of its life
Because, it was dying

This is what you get from love
A pocket full of regrets
And shards of broken dreams
I took the sharpest piece today
Of a broken fairytale
And slithered my wrist
I know you did the same
Carrying around your regrets of the day

You said that moment
Was to be written about under bliss
Cheers! Darling this is to our bliss
Some cigarettes and Chivas
With memories painted in hues of remorse
The only bliss we have ever known

4/6/2016

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I hugged you today
When the day had ended
And I was about to leave

We have done this multiple times
But, today you tried holding onto me
Something that you never did

Time would stop
And we would be eternal
Or maybe it would fix us

You hugged me today
As we said goodbye
Promising to meet again

Knowing that this is the last time
We would ever see eachother, again

Before love turns cold

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Some days we’re like lovers in France. He holds me and tells me that I’m all his. I hold his hand and know that he is mine, forever. At times I whisper, “Iloveyous” into his crooked bones like a prayer. Other times I wander around his body trying to find something that would make me fall in love with him. He laughs at me for loving him but only after he broke my heart and before he broke my hand.
He says that I don’t know how to love, unless they are broken and need fixing.
“You don’t love, babe”, he says,“You try fixing what can never be fixed”.
I see in him a child who lost his way seeking shelter in an abandoned house hiding behind the sink so that the storm doesn’t knock him out. It is a game where we both hide and days go by before one of us is found.
On the good days he lets me in and we crash into each other like it is the only way we know how to love. Messy and destructive. On the bad days he locks me out and I become an immigrant in our house. Shunned and ridiculed. Last night, I asked him to tell me three good things about himself but he couldn’t answer. Then I asked him to tell me the three flaws he has and he stated a list.
“What about you?” he said
“I try fixing what can’t be fixed and I don’t know whether this is a flaw or a merit.” ,I replied

Brave enough to forget

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We are courageous enough
To forget the names of those
Who broke us apart
Piece by piece in their palms

But, am I brave enough to forget
The home they carved in my heart
Where ‘forever and after’ was meant to be
A moment in time if not a reality

Am I brave enough to forget
Praying to God to change my fate if he wasn’t in it
Or the way the veins on his hand
Were my map to being found

A lovers wish

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I’ve wished on shooting stars to be near to you
So that I could feel your breath on the nape of my neck
Fall asleep in your arms
Knowing that even if the world falls apart
I’d be one lucky motherfucker to die in my lovers arm

I’ve tossed a lot of coins in the wishing well outside the city
Hoping that your face was the one that I would wakeup to
If not today then God, please make it someday
Morning snuggles
Evening giggles
And dinner date plans
It doesn’t have to be like the movies
We can just sit in bed all day and listen to what you have to say about life
I would give everything and anything just to hold your hand right, now

And its mostly after midnight
When the world goes quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome night
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge