Tag Archives: freestyle

Tranquilizers

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Tranquilizers, is what they call them
Numbing all the senses
Putting a hush to your vain
Silence the noises in your mind at 2 a.m

You can get them off easy
‘Knowing the right people, always’ she says
I don’t disagree
In this world, you know them and they know you

It is amusing to see what a man would do
To feed the wolves of addiction
As lust carries on with its grace
Demons smile at you from behind the door

Yes, I need a mild anaesthesia, please
The usual kind that I get
Just enough to make me numb
Not enough to knock me out

“Coward, little brats”, the pharmacist mumbles
He wraps it up in brown paper
Money is his need
This liquid in the bottle mine

I ignore and walk away
Too happy to finally be numb, again

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Wonderful, isn’t it?

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Sometimes the walls close up on me

And then by the door stands sadness

As I curl in with my sins

Sometimes the walls close up on me

 

It seems like a carousel

A kaleidoscopic pattern of future dreams

Hanging in between hope and despair

It seems like a carousel

 

Am I alive or long dead?

Questions that cannot be answered

By the living or the dead

Am I alive or long dead?

 

I would chase down my demons

It is a pattern of loathing

As I run away farther but only come close to myself

I would chase down my demons

 

I think that the world inside is more colorful

Never coloring within the lines

Telling myself more truths than lies

I think the world inside is more colorful

Fears and distance

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My biggest fear is being dependent on someone
And that is why I never let people get ‘too close’
At a distant
A wave
A nod
How are you, sir?
Im fine, as well!
As I march on

I get no emotions tied with people
Even places, if you ask me
I take pride in being this way
I’ve hid and sheltered my heart
But sometimes
You know? Moments like these

I wish a thunderstorm
A hurricane
Or even a tornado
Would blow this sheltered piece of stone, away
That I use as an excuse for a heart

Because, feeling nothing is okay
And commitments aren’t my positive trait
But a dead beat is of no use
When you want your heart to dance to the muse

Blame games

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I saw pain standing under the streetlight
Smoking with lust
As love got drunk on the sidewalk
Never did the three get along
 
 
I saw mortality grinning on the death bed of a two year old
As life sat in between the legs of a sixty year old
Angels mocked youth from the far corner of the altar
Depression and anxiety worshiped to forget
 
No! everyone said
God, wouldn’t play such a game
But whatever, whatever cards you have, darling
We both know who is to blame

A lovers wish

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I’ve wished on shooting stars to be near to you
So that I could feel your breath on the nape of my neck
Fall asleep in your arms
Knowing that even if the world falls apart
I’d be one lucky motherfucker to die in my lovers arm

I’ve tossed a lot of coins in the wishing well outside the city
Hoping that your face was the one that I would wakeup to
If not today then God, please make it someday
Morning snuggles
Evening giggles
And dinner date plans
It doesn’t have to be like the movies
We can just sit in bed all day and listen to what you have to say about life
I would give everything and anything just to hold your hand right, now

And its mostly after midnight
When the world goes quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome night
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge

Wishes!

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Before I write about coffee stains and ink splashes on white sheets
And fireplace snuggles in your favorite pajamas
I want you to know that you were the muse
That started this endless eulogy
Your heart was caught in a forest fire in the middle of December
I came in like the stream of water
When she lit you on fire
I became the ink on your love letters to her
Staining the back of your books until you found the perfect words
I became the tiny scrape on your knee
When you bent down with the rose to ask her out

Today, while you’re off with another girl in your arms. She sits across the table with someone else to celebrate Christmas. Champagne in hand and a clink of glass!
New Year knocks on the door hoping to be a rise for some and a fall for others. You miss the spilled coffee and ink on your sheets. Another woman in front of the fireplace promises to rescue your heart from the fire but she doesn’t know the path to the water stream. You hurry towards parchment in order to stop the suffocation of your heart because the walls are closing in and you have no time at all. Your new pen does not know the crimson ink with which you write love letters or pain. Words were never enough or perfect when it came to your thoughts.
You’re longing for the butterfly in your pit when you scraped your knee for her and I bandaged it for you but the truth is, here you lay wounded with nobody to see you broken because to them? You’re a fine young man. You’re a man with charm and who is on his way to glory.
I became a small part in your life- a pen, a paper and a comfort zone that you left behind in order to pursue greater and better things.
Every passing day reminds you of how I faded away and every night you try to recollect the memories of us under the pale winter moonlight.
Oh! How I wish we would celebrate like we did before when youth gleamed in our eyes and the world was in our feet.

The voice in my head

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I keep having these fucking phases
Zoning into sadness
Being a happy little fuck
There lies no in between

I am happy one minute
Life is great and things work out
The very next day
I feel like the walls are crushing me

Suffocation
Anxiety
Sadness
Everything is on the ground

My mother tells me
To recite a prayer for my ill heart
But I don’t find it to be ill at all
I also don’t find it healthy

It is in between
Stuck in the rut of sadness
Jumping into happiness
And sleeping with an unjust desire to die

If I could then I would
Tell the world what happens in my mind
But words fall short
And sometimes I scare others with my thoughts

So I pen down what I think would suit
The world will eat up sadness as my muse
When it isn’t sadness at all
It is the voice in my head

A voice that is
Terrified
Happy
Sad
All at the same time that is all

A taste of unrequited love

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Sometimes loving a person means you just give and never get
To be honest, I’ve never loved where the only desire was to give myself
Until, now
Whatever I had or would have
I just want it all to be his
A love like that
Which does not expect anything in return

And I guess
In due time I found the true meaning of it
Even when people say I’m pretty dumb
They would never understand
How happy I get
When he takes things from me
Even the ordinary ones
Without realizing that with each piece given
A little bit of my heart got stuck

It makes me happy
How he owns
What he will never know
And I get to taste
Unrequited love on my lips
Over and over again
Thanking God for this blessing
Which people call a curse

About being Numb

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This was going to be a poem
About how two lovers meet
Or how strong you actually are
This was one of those rhymes
Where nothing was an induced haze
Clarity, joy and happiness

But this isn’t
It isn’t about despair
About remorse or guilt
It isn’t an ode to lost love
Or the walk towards a gradual demise
Not any of those emotions that I used to pen down

This poem became about being numb
About being oblivious
A reminder of how within lies less humanity
And the shame with which
I’ve begun to embrace my selfish solitude
How I turned into a God that worships the flesh

A poem about longing

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It has been forty days since I last kissed you, he says

And I sigh on the other side of the line

My lips tremble as I ask him, when will I see you again?

We’re both afraid of the answer

But he says soon and then the line goes quiet

It is one of those nights

Where I feel like we’ll break open like colorful beads on the floor

Spill into a kaleidoscopic pattern

Never to be whole again

He tells me we’ll be fine

I repeat it with him, We’ll be fine

Fear gets to me, when I cannot recall the way he smelled

Or the way his hands fit into mine

He is hopeful

Hopeful for a future where we conquer the world

I wish my heart wasn’t in doubt

“You don’t love me, do you?” it is the fifth time I’ve heard him say this

I say I do, but it’s a complicated form of love

1427.0 kilometers lay stretched between us

Approximately 886.6967 miles

I’ve mapped the distance out like veins in my body

He assures me, at least we’re under the same moon

We look at the same sun

For my fragile little heart this is consoling

I can always look at the sky

But for how long can the clouds form his face until they disappear

The last time I saw him

I went straight into his arms

It was the most natural thing to do

He gets angry at times because I test his patience

Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder

It makes the heart grow cold and restless

His conversations are laced with I love yous

I tell him that I know and that I miss him

He talks about how he’ll see me in a couple of months

Till then I just look at the rose he bought me on our very first date

That rose has shriveled up in the corner of the closet

Sometimes I think my heart is doing the same

But it reminds me of how once we we’re together

Happy, content and found bliss in the little corner of the world

When things get out of control

I hush my tone because maybe, my silence would not let things fall apart

I haven’t written love poems in a while

Frankly because, I can’t lie to myself through poetry and assure my soul that it will be alright

People ask me, how can I hold onto this long stretch for the past two and a half years?

And I reply, there are people with miles stretched between them but their souls are one

Then there are people who sleep in the same bed but a thousand miles stretch between their souls

How can I let my north star not guide me home?

So as I sit here to write a love poem to my lover who is miles apart

All that comes out is the longing that I have for him

Lingered with hope and strength on how I’ll try to make this one last