Tag Archives: conscious

A lust for home

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I’ve always believed that my soul is more chaotic than these feeble bones can hold. My heart has always been in a constant state of motion. “Always”, is a word that I use often but never do I fully surrender to this six letter word.
My footsteps have made way into people as if they were an enchanted forest and I had to find out the secrets. I’ve set fire to many houses once they served the purpose. My actions aren’t justifiable at times and my conscious long gave up. I have wounded my hands in trying to put the broken pieces of a mirror together.
It seems more enjoyable to put together the broken things I find, only to tear them apart once I have fixed them.
I found a new abandonment and made a home out of it. It seems to be burning me with a cold fire. Sometimes, it melts me on the outside but freezes my inside. I know that there is just as much hate in this world as there is love because, I break things here, only to mend them. I’ve been scratching away the old wallpaper for a while, now. I gave it a fresh coat of silver with a tint of red, but whenever I look away the paint peels to reveal her name.

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Fragments.

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I walked among the crowd
I was a part of something big
Yet
I feel alone walking
A fragment
A lie
A regret

Dawn
Daylight
Dusk
Midnight
Chivas in hand
An ocean spray to the mind
Jesus, I think I finally found the meaning of life

And I will always be here

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You’re hurting and I know.
Trust me, in this fight you’re not alone.
You have your demons and the person broke your heart. You have your reasons for shunning out people right now.
I understand, I really do.
Sometime ago my heart was bleeding, too.
I had nobody to put a bandage on it. I had nobody to seek refuge in, but let me tell you that I am here for you.
I’ll bandage your heart and try fixing the bruise.
If not? we’ll sit down and talk.
We’ll talk about all things that bother us, when we’re blue.
Its okay though. Please? Take it easy.
Broken hearts and flu’s aren’t my favorite, either but we have to work with it.
We have to work with what life throws at you.
So, I know you’re hurting and blue.
Trust, me I’ve been there too.
Not a good place as I should say but I had no savior and made it through.
In your fight I’ll hold your hand and be there for you.
Because, life is as kind to you as you let it be and we’ll be brave to fight our demons, conquer and rule.

Her twisted world

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The voices around her grew clear and the colors faded away washing everything in the shades of dark black till there was no difference whether she had her eyes closed or open. In the dark chamber where she had confined herself mentally now took on a more realistic appearance or maybe she was just hallucinating like always. It is a great feeling to hallucinate and create the surroundings you want. Sometimes, an escape from the real world and a lapse into her own world was one of the sweetest moments she relished just like a child relishes on the last piece of candy.
Here no failures or defeats existed but only a sense of sheer deadness that held all the serenity and peace she ever wanted in life. The sound of the water dripping grew clear. Drop by drop onto the wooden floor. There she lay still as wood becoming more aware of her body pressing against the coldness that came from the open window. The fan slowly hummed the sound of a moth. The clock made its usual ticking sound and here she realized that each tick represented a moment of the past. All she heard were noiseless noises that occupied her mind as she lay. Darkness had instilled into her bones and crept through her veins marking each territory.
She felt her hands moving around her. She traced the outline of the wooden floor and kept reaching out as an attempt to grasp something but not expecting to catch it. Finally, her hands touched what seemed like another body. What was that she touched? Was there someone else in the room with her? She got up in a hurry but couldn’t make out what it was because everywhere she looked, darkness encompassed her. Trembling hands and with a fast heartbeat she made out the outline of what seemed like a body. After tracing out the curves and ridges did she land on what seemed to be the thud of a heart. Thud! Thud!
It was alive. It was breathing, but too dark to distinguish anything. Her patience was running out and she craved for a source of light to make out who it was. She never hoped for a day when she would be wishing for the light so badly, but here she kneeled on the body trying to find the light to see who it was.
Until, it moved. The body move and she moved back scared at whoever it may be. Her heart anticipated of something mixed with fear but hope. The man opened its eyes to reveal gold color lights. The gold color illuminated all in its path and she made out a strong jaw line and a manly face wearing a stern look. The silhouette showed some features clearly while others remained a blur,
“You are?” she said in a trembling voice
“I am you childish redemption. I am your sin of lonely nights. I am the love you deceived in pursuit of lust. I am the innocence you exchanged for cleverness”
The body laid itself down, again. The words were being digested by her mind when she saw the body melt into the ground like it never existed. It was gone now but the words remained still in the air with the same heaviness.
The dark grew strong and the sound of water splashing on the wooden board continued. The fan hummed the same tune and she sat there becoming more aware than ever. Maybe, she was hallucinating again.

Don’t look back

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Don’t look back. Didn’t I tell you? Just don’t look back. It never does you any good. Hear me? It never does. Never look back. I keep on repeating this but you never seem to listen. If you have to close a door then shut it behind you but never look back.

If you drop something then leave it there. No point in going back to pick it up. Leave it. Don’t look back. Never look back. I keep on repeating this but you never hear me. Listen to me once. Don’t look back. If the voices call you and scream your name just don’t look back.
Don’t open the doors you have once closed. Never open them. You closed it off for a reason in the first place. Never chase anything that will lead you back. Never do. Keep you face forward and your eyes always ahead. If you have to look sideways then do, but never look back.
Looking back never does anyone good. It doesn’t. The most awful part is that looking back can be consuming. You wouldn’t want to be consumed so deeply and not get out.
Make it simple and never look back. Cut off all that holds you back and never look back. Never do. You left it for a reason there so now learn to walk ahead.
It might try dragging you from your collar or your legs but please don’t look back. No matter how desperate the call is never look back. It can play manipulative tactics to convince you to look back but please, hear me, never do.

For, looking back will only haunt you and bring pain. Hear me, never look back.

*He kept on repeating these words every single day on the sidewalk be it summer, winter or autumn.*

Dancing under the moonlit sky my soul and I

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I kept looking at this person in the mirror which was now a soul instead of a body on display. Drunk and high, exhibiting the true colors it possessed. My soul. My body long gone.
My soul looked inside to search for all the secrets it hid, all the colors it didn’t show and all the stories it cherished untold.
I saw a person who was at war with himself. Mentally torn and dejected from its own being. Striving for a better future to put the pain of past away, tucked it under the rug and pretended that it was not there.
The body asked the soul in the mirror, “What have I become?”
The soul in the mirror had no answer but just wept at the state of what the body had become.
The soul in the mirror and the body on display started talking. They talked in poetry, short verses and pieces of prose.
“Live, Die, Live, Die, Colors, Sadness, Happiness, Obtain the needs, Consume more, Search for a new happiness, Pursue happiness, Never be happy”
The soul swayed like a pendulum with the body, they both moved parallel that night under the starlit sky and the silver moon.
They danced until they became one and then went different ways.
The soul to sky and the body to the earth.
The soul looked down at the body, now grinning, saying

“It isn’t love if its not painful, it isn’t love if it doesn’t make you suffer”

The body looked at the scars and smiled,

“It isn’t love until its lost”

I learned with time

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I have spent years in mosques praying and worshiping to God. Bruised my knees in total submission hoping that he would hear.
I have carried Him for years in my pocket like a pill that would soothe the pain away.

I have spent ruthless nights being drunk on the sidewalk with nothing but loneliness by my side. Smoking with strangers in corridors sharing nothing but silence and empty looks.

I have spent blissful days where I kissed the devil on the lips and danced in the glory of love. Angels greeted me with grins on heavens door.

I searched for peace and tranquility. I looked for the truth of my existence and howled like the wolf in the face of all the questions. I did it all and lived to find an answer. Nothing served as feasible logic but I learned,
I learned to forgive men, for carrying hatred in your own heart is nothing but poison
I learned to love without regret,for that served as the best fuel to my heart
I learned to let go of things not meant to be because for what is not yours now, never belonged to you in the first place
I learned to be kind because in the end that is what the planet needs

I might not have found the answers to my existence but I am on the path towards learning and in the end be a better human being for I learned that money, fame, love and possessions don’t matter

What matters is when you lay yourself to bed at night you can go to sleep without any regrets on your mind.

Learn again to fly

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Temptations and emotions
Controlled by mind you see?
To either let go? or plunge in too deep
Conscious and sub conscious
Both prevail
It’s up for you to choose who to hail
Depth or surface
A paradox itself?
Look again dear one
Are you sure you’re in too deep?
A part of me begs to stops
A part of me want to embrace
Not a distant land but thoughts and voices from within
The brain you possess? and the mind you have
Is there a difference in their thought process?
Illusion and reality; it’s all just a blur
And with time it all fades away
To live or to die
Ideas have an impact
For there is no use for a soul that is only bodily alive
And internally dead
Be a soul that is limitless and free
Find yourself and lose it again
Only this time find someone lost instead
Escape is there and so is relieve
You’ve shun the outlet yourself
By being blind to what sets you free
What is it like to be free?
The more you defy boundaries the more you are free?
Listen to the soul for the mind is nothing
But an analytical robot captivated in logic
Be a dreamer and deny the order
Let chaos anarchy rule the borders
That define sanity and insanity
Break away the mental chains
Wreck the idea of having a soul
Be nothing less and nothing more
It’s never late nor early
Because time is something we humans made
Conclusions are worse when still alive
Defy all boundaries and learn again to fly

Mind Control Anthem

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Consuming thoughts

Consuming minds

That’s what I’ve learnt living in a society like mine

Religion, sex, money and drugs

These are the anthem of our times

Man kills man for a piece of land

Wages war for what’s never his

To search for the truth is long over due

For all that matters is power that consumes

Black, brown or white you may be

You’re still a slave of your thoughts you see

The world defines you for what you have

The less of heart and less of conscious intact

Consuming thoughts

It’s a mind control

Fame, money and power replaced human soul

The more you strive for it the more  emptier you grow

Humanity lost its honor in course

What you’ve become is a slave you see

You appear free but you’re not free

Caught in the clutches of time and present

The real purpose of life lay forgotten

Wake up while you still have time you see

For it might be late when you realize it’s all just a dream

The reality is not what you perceive

As it’s hidden in the soul you’ve lost you see

Truth be told I’m a slave too

But I’ve let myself free from this thought control