Tag Archives: chivas

Fragments.

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I walked among the crowd
I was a part of something big
Yet
I feel alone walking
A fragment
A lie
A regret

Dawn
Daylight
Dusk
Midnight
Chivas in hand
An ocean spray to the mind
Jesus, I think I finally found the meaning of life

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The process of unlearning

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I never thought I would meet someone like you. Someone who will teach me to love again. Honest to God, I wasn’t much of a believer in miracles. I didn’t believe someone could revive the love in my soul like you did.
You did. I spent hours and days learning you. You were a new book, I had to read but the truth was even when I was done with you, I started to memorize you.
Learn each and everything that you are. I wanted you to be stored in the density of my brain forever.
I claimed you mine like a selfish bitch I was, I claimed you mine from the heavens above.
It was gradual and not sudden. It was us.
I forgot that everything that gets made also breaks.
Law of nature.
Now, I lay here with a few chivas in my system and smoke in the air trying to let you go
trying to unlearn you by learning that you were never mine to begin with, were you?

I wonder

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A needle to the vein is all it took to transform my castle of horrors into wonderland as I walked a path laced with drugs into the unknown territory of my mental decay. Addiction was not my fault, I was just curious. Curiosity was the biggest addiction of it all.

Pop pills. Smoke one. Roll another. Needles. Sniffs.

What used to be out of curiosity became a habit. What used to be for fun has me on my knees. I wonder what my friends will say when they find out that it is not all fun and games, anymore. I wonder what people who know me would think, now.
Maybe if I could get rid of all those memories I have been trying to erase for so long, I would find salvation.
Maybe the pain that stabs my heart at times and makes it hard to breath will fade away, eventually.
Maybe I won’t suffer anymore.
But for now it is all reduced to a glass of chivas, reminisce of old times and Johnny cash on the stereo till I learn to find myself not in pain and suffering but the joy that I once possessed.