Tag Archives: Art

When life takes a turn

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There are many paths in life a man could take
One of them is temptation
The other is resistance

Temptation is sensual; it dresses in red
She holds a cigarette in her right hand and waits for you
Promising to sway you away from the worries of life
Ignore the world that has formed concrete pavements on your chest
Temptation doesn’t promise you life but it promises you temporary relief

Resistance is fierce; it has a silver armor on
He doesn’t have anything but a will to fight
Promising that if you don’t give in then the future might be bright
The concrete world will get knocked down but with time
Resistance doesn’t promise relief but it promises you a good fight
It tells you that there are many things in this world
That would kill you in far worse ways than you can imagine
But you don’t have to be one of them

Temptation makes you a loaded gun
Resistance makes you not shoot yourself
It takes courage to be loaded six rounds straight
And not pull the trigger

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And its mostly on days
I play pretend being dead
The world is quiet
And my soul can’t find refuge in anything
So my heart looks for a place to seek shelter from the lonesome air around me
And it runs towards you
My safe place
My home
My solace
My one and only refuge
You

Conversations with my therapist

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One time my therapist asked me, “if you know being still won’t get you anywhere, and that is what triggers your sadness, then why don’t you change or move in order to become happy?”

“It’s like ice”, I replied back then, “I’m stripped naked and splayed out on it. The ice is cold and burns. It burns my flesh and I know that if I get up the air will make it sting more. I will be more aware of the burns so I don’t get up. Because, I am afraid. I am afraid of the air pricking my skin and the unknown that awaits me. Lying on the block of ice is all i’ve known and this sadness feels like home.”

He said, “You can move. A momentary lash of air might provide relief, forever.”

“Forever is a long time and the unknown holds promises which don’t always have to be laced with sweet hope.”, I replied.

” So you don’t want to get up?” He asked

“I do. I’m waiting for the block of ice to melt.”

The traffic on the highway

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The construction on the highway
Has the traffic crawling
So I cannot normally cruise
But rather spend long hours in line
Stuck
Looking at blank faces
Men and women
Some have children in the backseats
Looking ahead
To nowhere

The rush hour has everyone
Running back to their homes
To their bored lives
Running to watch soap operas
Which shows a life of romantic grandiose
The likes they will never live but only see on the telly
Running to watch the news
Cursing the government but unable to start a revolution
Running to the end of the day
Only to start again

What we need is a revolt
Against our old systems
Rip it out from the root and burn it
Throw it in the air

But we don’t
Because, a revolt against the system would mean
A revolt against self
We’re quick to take action against others
Not ourselves

I pick a bottle of whiskey on my way
Running to no way particularly
Cheers to my own revolution
I smirk
Maybe, I’ll be a changed man
Or so I would like to think

In memory of you

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When I first met you
I liked how fast paced you were
The thrill excited me
You once asked me, why we were friends?
I said, you’re exciting to be with and you teach me things
You laughed and asked what things?
Well, I could not answer then
But now I know exactly what you taught me

Love will always conquer hate
But never enough
Truth will always take you close
But never close enough
Happiness is everything in between
Your hand and my hand
Tiny but plausible enough
Life will always make you breathless
But never enough to knock you out

Until it does
And you are six feet under
Cold
Unable to come back
In that case, it is enough

You were always just so much
But never enough

May you watch the heavens burn, kid
Or
Wait a while
I’ll bring a lighter soon enough

Rest in peace
With lots of love but never enough

A poem for your manipulator

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I’ve been too afraid to lose people. So much so that in order to make room for their personality, I diminish mine. I learnt it from my parents. My mother turned from monsoon rain to a chaotic thunderstorm. My father became the ruins rather than the fire.

I make room for his,
dreams
aspirations
hopes
love
goals
in this process of providing space. The little of myself I was left with is crumpled in the corner. To keep a love one has to bend.
One has to change.
One has to make room.
One has to apologize.
One has to let go because love,
Love is worth keeping
Love is worth fighting for
But love is toxic
When he tells you that you should be sorry for your choices. When he makes you feel like you do not exist except for his shadow. When he makes sure you know that he has the string and you’re just a puppet. When his silence screams at your face more than his words. When he tells you that he will leave. When he emotionally manipulates you with your answers and you can’t do anything about it. When he takes the little space that you had.

I’ve been too afraid to lose people. But, I’ve realized I’m more afraid to lose myself.

I’m going to survive

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Last night
Around 3 a.m
I decided
There was no need for your ghost
To haunt my heart
Anymore
I didn’t need your memories
To plague my bones
I didn’t need the regrets
Anger
Or the resentment
I will not reach out to you
Anymore
Because the book we wrote
Is finished
And there is not point
In scribbling on the edges
With
What it was
What it is
And
What could have been
I buried them
Everything
And mourned
I let you go
Let us go
Because you see
The worst part of a broken heart
Is that we conjure up memories
And decorate them to our liking
Deceiving the reality
Of the moment
The event
And time
Itself
But I have survived this before
People like you
Who come in like hurricane
And go away like summer rain
But darling,
Lightning can’t hurt you
If you’re thunder, yourself
I have survived
And I will survive
So go on
Kiss your God
And I’ll sleep with my demons
From dusk till dawn

I read your horoscope

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I’ve never believed in horoscopes
The constellations alignment
Doesn’t dictate a thing
Infinity and stars
Are just knots of hope

Like what mother said
That the twins don’t represent
Anything in my life
But the centaur
I always read

Maybe, I want them to proclaim
A love that was suppose to be endless
Because a glimmer of hope is nice
Even for a moment
Betrayal from reality
Never felt so good

Observations

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Give yourself time and maybe you will be lucky enough to forget.
Time and human distress travel in parallel paths. Time does not heal. Human beings just get better at tolerating it. You get conditioned to the pain, making it a habitual part of your existence that puts an unstable mind into a more stable state.

Human beings do not like an unstable state of mind. Time is relative to pain in the sense of making us more tolerable and later immune to what had hurt us before.

I wrote about us

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We were lying in bed
When you talked about
How
I will pen down this moment
A poem or a piece of prose
On eternal bliss
Of lovers meeting
Reunited after separation of months
That seemed like years

Here
This is your God damn poem
Of when you held my heart in your hand
And crushed it
There is the blood splattered on the floor
When you let your demons
Overshadow
And slaughter the love we had raised
It laughed in my face
In the corner innocence cried its heart out
As it clutched on to what remained of its life
Because, it was dying

This is what you get from love
A pocket full of regrets
And shards of broken dreams
I took the sharpest piece today
Of a broken fairytale
And slithered my wrist
I know you did the same
Carrying around your regrets of the day

You said that moment
Was to be written about under bliss
Cheers! Darling this is to our bliss
Some cigarettes and Chivas
With memories painted in hues of remorse
The only bliss we have ever known