Tag Archives: Art

A poem for your manipulator

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I’ve been too afraid to lose people. So much so that in order to make room for their personality, I diminish mine. I learnt it from my parents. My mother turned from monsoon rain to a chaotic thunderstorm. My father became the ruins rather than the fire.

I make room for his,
dreams
aspirations
hopes
love
goals
in this process of providing space. The little of myself I was left with is crumpled in the corner. To keep a love one has to bend.
One has to change.
One has to make room.
One has to apologize.
One has to let go because love,
Love is worth keeping
Love is worth fighting for
But love is toxic
When he tells you that you should be sorry for your choices. When he makes you feel like you do not exist except for his shadow. When he makes sure you know that he has the string and you’re just a puppet. When his silence screams at your face more than his words. When he tells you that he will leave. When he emotionally manipulates you with your answers and you can’t do anything about it. When he takes the little space that you had.

I’ve been too afraid to lose people. But, I’ve realized I’m more afraid to lose myself.

I’m going to survive

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Last night
Around 3 a.m
I decided
There was no need for your ghost
To haunt my heart
Anymore
I didn’t need your memories
To plague my bones
I didn’t need the regrets
Anger
Or the resentment
I will not reach out to you
Anymore
Because the book we wrote
Is finished
And there is not point
In scribbling on the edges
With
What it was
What it is
And
What could have been
I buried them
Everything
And mourned
I let you go
Let us go
Because you see
The worst part of a broken heart
Is that we conjure up memories
And decorate them to our liking
Deceiving the reality
Of the moment
The event
And time
Itself
But I have survived this before
People like you
Who come in like hurricane
And go away like summer rain
But darling,
Lightning can’t hurt you
If you’re thunder, yourself
I have survived
And I will survive
So go on
Kiss your God
And I’ll sleep with my demons
From dusk till dawn

I read your horoscope

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I’ve never believed in horoscopes
The constellations alignment
Doesn’t dictate a thing
Infinity and stars
Are just knots of hope

Like what mother said
That the twins don’t represent
Anything in my life
But the centaur
I always read

Maybe, I want them to proclaim
A love that was suppose to be endless
Because a glimmer of hope is nice
Even for a moment
Betrayal from reality
Never felt so good

Observations

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Give yourself time and maybe you will be lucky enough to forget.
Time and human distress travel in parallel paths. Time does not heal. Human beings just get better at tolerating it. You get conditioned to the pain, making it a habitual part of your existence that puts an unstable mind into a more stable state.

Human beings do not like an unstable state of mind. Time is relative to pain in the sense of making us more tolerable and later immune to what had hurt us before.

I wrote about us

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We were lying in bed
When you talked about
How
I will pen down this moment
A poem or a piece of prose
On eternal bliss
Of lovers meeting
Reunited after separation of months
That seemed like years

Here
This is your God damn poem
Of when you held my heart in your hand
And crushed it
There is the blood splattered on the floor
When you let your demons
Overshadow
And slaughter the love we had raised
It laughed in my face
In the corner innocence cried its heart out
As it clutched on to what remained of its life
Because, it was dying

This is what you get from love
A pocket full of regrets
And shards of broken dreams
I took the sharpest piece today
Of a broken fairytale
And slithered my wrist
I know you did the same
Carrying around your regrets of the day

You said that moment
Was to be written about under bliss
Cheers! Darling this is to our bliss
Some cigarettes and Chivas
With memories painted in hues of remorse
The only bliss we have ever known

4/6/2016

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I hugged you today
When the day had ended
And I was about to leave

We have done this multiple times
But, today you tried holding onto me
Something that you never did

Time would stop
And we would be eternal
Or maybe it would fix us

You hugged me today
As we said goodbye
Promising to meet again

Knowing that this is the last time
We would ever see eachother, again

The Cyclic Meow

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Nobody gets me, you exclaim
A bit isolated
Alone in everything
From your thought process to your actions
“I feel so alienated in this alien society,” you say

Fifty feet under the ground, you scream
Tick tock, time is running out
Among your friends
Your peers
Nobody gets it
You long gave up explaining

It doesn’t bother you
Now
As much as it used to
You’re still figuring out, though
How can someone be so blind and ignorant
But this time you won’t voice it out

Answers come with time
Like peace did
In time
With time
Of age
So you don’t bother
Except for when something concerns you
Caring for others wasn’t worth it
And kid
You learnt the hard way
But, I’m glad you did
So you only think and care about yourself

Your heart sometimes
Feels like a helium balloon stuck on the ceiling
Out of reach
Mocking
But you understand things now
Like the time you fell down and scraped your knee
And your mum said how you fell on an ant
That was on its way home carrying food
So you forgot about the bloodied knee
Instead, looked for the ant that dropped its food

You understood that distractions are a blessing
Some people never grow up
And age isn’t a factor
That defines maturity
You fall down a couple of times in the day
Now
You don’t look for the ant that lost its food
You decided to grow up
Not that you wanted it so badly
But because you had seen
What happens when you don’t grow up

I’m better, you say
I will not turn out like her
I will not turn out like him
I will not be in this perpetual fear of being
I will not be like them
So you hide away things that you do not like
In yourself
Under the rug and over the moon
Perfectly, designed
No more difficultties
Or
Open ended questions
Dead or alive, until the box is open
Schrondinger’s cat screams
But you never open the box

Curiosity killed the cat
Little kitty don’t let the monsters
Trample you
And gnaw your flesh
You should stay away
From Schrodinger and his poisonous box

You can’t change it
You’re pragmatic, now
Idealism is for the daydreamers
More informed and concerned
But you’re helpless and accept it
You aren’t in a doubt about your identity
You’re more clear and justify options that appeal more
That is all
Your conversations are well thought
A cyclic process

Pop your pill
Turn the lights off
Go to sleep
Tomorrow is another day
Where nobody will understand you
But you’ll tell yourself to make do
Because, you’re here
And not there
And time is in-built in this world
With no escape

On my chest

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The world sits on my chest
And beats
Its claws dig into me
Yesterday, I used to be young
Carefree and unchained
Drifting through the wind
Today, I lay
Beneath the rubble
Of the past
And the thought of growing old
Without a hand to hold
Makes my skin linger
But then I wonder
Afterall this time
I’ve learnt to hug myself
So why
Wait for anyone
When I can save myself
From this world
Clawing
On my chest

Love

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I never felt the need to explain
Maybe, to me it was natural
But to them it wasn’t
The time he kissed me
And I swear to God, it felt like heaven
Then I saw her
She wore a smile like the moon on a clear sky
And I couldn’t help but conjure up more metaphors
To describe how beautiful she was
The day she sat right beside me
I wanted to kiss her, too
But that isn’t right, now is it?
I never felt the need to explain
Neither to the world nor to myself
It was natural, wasn’t it?
Attraction pulled me like a dog on a leash
“Not natural at all”, he said to me
And the first time I felt not confusion but dismay
It wasn’t my job to make them feel
What was unnatural to them be the same for me
“Society kills people like you.”, he said
“It has always killed people who dared to love,” I said
“You’re just confused” I heard them say
“Maybe, I’m more clear on the issue”, I thought to myself
“No, this is disgusting.” He said
And I imagined kissing her
“What if I tell you that I hate you after this confession?” he said
“I only love you more” I said
“Why would you love someone who hates you?” he said
“Because, nothing angers anyone more than to receive love when they expect hate” I said
But I never needed the urge
To explain
Why I was attracted to him and her
So I kissed her
She kissed me back
I kissed him
He kissed me back

And there I realized
Some poems need to stop
Without explanations or ending
A sudden hiccup in a story
Ending with the word
Love

2=7

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This isn’t the type of poem
Where I say that I’m lost in the world
Hoping to be found
Or that the first person that comes to my mind when I’m blue
Can save me from my past demons

But, I will say this
Truth is, I’m not that lost as much as I’ve found myself
Being at a standstill is okay
Desperation and longing only fuel the fire
I’ll move when I’m ready to move

So, I have time till this life ends
God, knows how much I have left
But it is enough, i’ll pretend
2+2 isn’t 4
I think it is 7 and I’m allowed to be weird

People will crash into me
Or just pass me by
Some right things will go wrong
A lot of wrong things will just fit in right
I like to call this part “experience”, in my life

I can be 6 feet under
Or above the world
I’m allowed to walk into the room like a blizzard
Even become a gentle wave in someones life
I’m allowed and so are other people because we change

A friend taught me today
That what I may want
Might not want me
But, life is a game of charades
Either way it is fun to play