The year of realizations

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2016 has ended. I’m so glad about it. This has been one of the toughest years, ever. I have two words “tough and tired”. In short I’ve grown up and let people go. I’ve made some new friends along the way. Holy shit, I’ll be 22 in a couple of months (time to put Taylor Swift’s 22 in the background).

Walking down the road I guess this year has taught me a lot in terms of people and managing my relationships. I  feel more grown up and a bit sensible. The year was lingered with  depression, less drugs, more drama and well a lot of passive aggressive emotions mixed with bipolar bouts. Not to mention this summer I got my heart broken just like in 2014.  I think I’m turning more into a mixture of my mum and dad when it comes to loving people. At one point, I don’t want to let go and the other time I can’t wait to run away. Remember, the summers are not lucky for your love trajectory. A part of me is glad that I went through all of it and emerged alive. Heck, there is a lot of fight in me.

School year went by  hectic. Just a lot of projects-Bano, bite as much as you can chew. Never forget this. You always take bigger bites and at a faster pace which sorta just fucks shit up more. Oye! I’m glad you quit that job. I hated it so much but financial security is a bitch once you start working. The new job seems very nice and not to mention it pays good as well. I still can’t manage my finances. Work on that. Be savvy this year with your finances. Friends won’t stick forever so please, fucking learn how to stay alone. I still haven’t finished Anna Karenina (damn you Tolstoy). Unfinished projects will be one of your biggest regrets if I don’t clean up my act. Learn to not push yourself at things that you don’t want to do. It isn’t an obligation to finish something that you started. But it is nice if you do. On a totally unrelated note, why do you understand the pain and frustration of cheating housewives? Like its still weird how you can connect with Anna and Lady Chaterly. Think about it. Is there a pattern to this?

Be responsible and when you know an argument is about to start, please back away. Do not snap at people. Be more polite this 2017. I realized that when you’re truly attached to someone then no matter how much they piss you off? Under half consciousness you’re going to call them out. (Hint: Appendix)

Learn to control your temper. Goddammit! I’m so glad you’re learning how to deal with the fear of you know what. Be strong at wherever it all takes you. Never lose your ground or put down your weapon. Bukowski is still relevant as ever. Books are amazing. Stop fearing what you don’t know and try embracing it as it comes. The thing about life is that it will break you as much as you allow it. The same goes for bitterness in life. It will only impact you as much as you allow it. At the end of the day, you’re in control of everything that happens to you except for natural disasters. Be prepared!

  • Don’t try stupid supplements.
  • Never ever be with someone out of pity or boredom (You know who you’re talking about)

Love? Hahah! Well, remember how 2015 seemed like the year you found love and had a happily ever after? Well fuck that. Summer has been lingered with heart break and rehab sessions. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the fact that you handled it all too well and emerged a bit stronger. Although I know how it fucked you up. Love isn’t meant to hurt you physically or mentally. Keep that in mind the next time you fall in love but I assume it would take a long while. When you miss someone just try going to sleep, read a book or heck! Watch something but do not text them. You haven’t been good with emotional commitments, anyway. I’m still not sure about the crazy rendezvous you have going on the side but I hope it turns out nice. That is the last thing you can expect out of something you’ve stirred in this direction. A lot of times you’re going to fall in love not with a person but your idea of being in love with the person. Learn to differentiate between the two. Allow yourself the love that you shower on other people.

  • Let go of some moments.
  • You’re too controlling.
  • Be a bit more quiet.

You’re still unsure about loving him. Sometimes, love doesn’t have to be the typical Romeo Juliet kind. Sometimes, love can be like the hunchback of Notre-Dame. The year 2016 is just lingered with disappointed love. However, whatever happened is in the past. When love left it kept the door open so expect someone new to walk in. You don’t have to be with someone to show you love them.

I’m glad I am more determined of what I want in life and how I want it. Also, the concept of time is relative so just stop worrying about not having enough time. Love the new tattoo btw. Not sure if I still stick to the belief. I hope your belief in Him gets stronger with time and you get your answers. This year has just been one messy event that I would like to sleep through. The highlight is I’ve finally quit chugging pills and the downside is, I have a long road ahead to figure myself out. Hold on to what is necessary but let go of things that do you more harm than good.

I liked how you spent the year with family and focusing on what you want in life. It’s very rare that I think about life in general and strategize. People change so learn to deal with it. Pretty sure I’ve changed drastically over the year as well.

Will I be okay? I think.

Will I learn to live with this? Yes

Will I survive 2017? Let’s see!

2016 you taught me well. 2017 I hope you’re kinder.

2 hours till the new year, time to open that bottle!

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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