21 soon

Standard

I took my first drag

When I was 15

Now, a pack a day doesn’t count

My lungs are charred

 

I had my first drink

When I was 16

Now, 10 shots of vodka are pre-game

To a wasted night out

 

I first slit my wrist

On my 17th birthday

And my left arm has scars

That I attribute to a car crash

 

I wrote my first story

When I was 18

About a doctor who murdered his wife and ate her heart

And my mother had me checked by a doctor

 

I was 19 when I had a chest full of secrets

As we sneaked whiskey in water bottles

And crashed by the sea

Only to discover how violent it is at night

 

When I turned 20

I showed them that I can tie a noose faster than my shoe lace

And that night I woke up at 3 am

To find that I had fallen asleep with the rope tucked in between my hands

 

I’m going to turn 21, soon

And now Im learning to live with myself

Figuring out why I write about broken individuals

Rather than love like my friends do

 

I’m trying to convince myself

That it is okay to live with monsters

Be it in daylight or underneath my bed

It is okay to realize that you’re one, too

 

Someone recently asked me, “war or peace?”

And I replied, “war”

Because at least then you don’t tie false hopes

But look forward to predictable destruction

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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