The voice in my head

Standard

I keep having these fucking phases
Zoning into sadness
Being a happy little fuck
There lies no in between

I am happy one minute
Life is great and things work out
The very next day
I feel like the walls are crushing me

Suffocation
Anxiety
Sadness
Everything is on the ground

My mother tells me
To recite a prayer for my ill heart
But I don’t find it to be ill at all
I also don’t find it healthy

It is in between
Stuck in the rut of sadness
Jumping into happiness
And sleeping with an unjust desire to die

If I could then I would
Tell the world what happens in my mind
But words fall short
And sometimes I scare others with my thoughts

So I pen down what I think would suit
The world will eat up sadness as my muse
When it isn’t sadness at all
It is the voice in my head

A voice that is
Terrified
Happy
Sad
All at the same time that is all

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

6 responses »

  1. If you feel sad for no reason all of a sudden, its probably the hurt you caused to a heart that u cant even remember. Read it somewhere

  2. Oho you’ve put it into words.
    I’ve never been able to properly describe what my brain goes through… But here it is.
    I swing between happiness and sadness too.
    And there’s a lot of anxiety in between.
    And confusion.
    And the fact that my brain isn’t alright just upsets me and depresses me even more… 😦
    Honestly i don’t know what to do either.

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