Summer’15!

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11986932_10206047456600466_8233451897719035663_nSummer 2015 comes to an end and as I write this one from the airport the only phrase that can describe the entire fiasco is, “Bloody hell! What was I even thinking?”

It has been one of the weirdest rides ever and providing how I’ve been through really weird things in life I was taken aback when I gradually walked down the memory lane from the previous summer to this summer. Pat yourself on the back because you’ve survived.

I’ve learnt one thing for sure and that is I’M STRONG! I’m strong in the face of changes, events and circumstances. I often wonder, how strong can I be before my strength gives up on me?

I’ve been trying hard to smile through everything even when all I want to do is shun myself in a corner and cry my heart out. Just not get out of bed. I’ve had a lot of those “not getting out of bed phases”, and providing how I lost two jobs because of this it certainly shows how I give into my depression which I badly need to change or maybe work around with.

I don’t glorify it but it is something that has become a part of my personality and this summer I accepted it. I’ve accepted a lot of things most of which either link back to my childhood or my teenage phase, where to be honest, I didn’t know any better. I still make mistakes but learned that God is very forgiving even when the world is unforgiving. Thank you Allah Jee for saving my ass EVERYTIME!

I learnt that at the end of the day you’re all you have so it is necessary to love yourself. You need to love yourself like you love someone else. You need to take care of yourself like you take care of someone else because, before anything, SELF matters the most. How will you love someone if you cannot love yourself? I intend to stick to this motto.

Kindness to people and faith in God will get you far. I have seen this throughout the 20 yrs spent on this planet. You need to believe that good things will happen and eventually they do. You are what you believe, as they say in the good’ol books! Kindness will get you far even if in the moment all you want to do is give up or smash someone in the head with a brick.

If you work hard then you do get a reward. Karma exists so might as well do good to get good. Work hard for the journey, not the reward. I sound so cliché right now, but this entire time I’ve tested it out to know that all of this exists. It has somehow enabled me to become a better person. I’ve changed all my goals in life all of a sudden with only a single desire to be a better person. I don’t think my goal in life was so refine as it is now, “to be a better person that I am today”.

Now, on to the list of things to avoid in the future

  • For starters stop using people in your life as an excuse to fill the emptiness. Stop it! You know that in the end it leads up to a bitter end or an open end ready to crawl up on you. Learn to be alone even if it means anxiety.
  • You have to start taking responsibility for your actions.
  • Your pursuit to feel “alive” should never ever put another persons life in danger.Calm down on the adrenaline rushes because you put other people in danger as well.
  • Nobody is coming to save you. Nobody is kind. Nobody is loyal. Nobody would be there in the end. Providing how you know all of this there is one thing you should do? Believe. Believe that good things will happen even when you feel like giving up.
  • You’re a free spirit. You’re an individual with every right to have the life you want but remember in the course of time, you are not a spirit who would want to hurt anyone. You’re not an individual who would snatch away any persons right to have the life they want just because you hate them or they have ideas different than yours.
  • Learn to control your anger and mood swings.
  • Be open to meet new people but just don’t get your hopes up. I’m glad you cut down the virtual existence! *pat yourself on the back for this*. I’m glad you made new friends. I’m glad you resolved old disputes. I’m glad that you as a person are trying to change the flaws in your character to be the person you want to be.

In the end, I just want you to know, the next summer you read this before writing about summer 2016, You survived! You overcame everything. You overcame hate. You overcame heart break. You overcame anger. You overcame anxiety. You accepted the mistakes that you made and learned from them. You survived everything life threw at you with a smile and even tears so just remember, you’re not a bad person and always keep trusting that if anything goes wrong? God will take care of it and always make it better!

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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