When I was 5 in the mid of December I remember

I started fearing the dark and the monsters it held

I feared something might come out of the closet

Or from under the bed

My mother put a night light in my room

It had a shade of orange with crimson red

I looked out the window every night

Looking at the stars and sighed

For how I wished to be out in the open not afraid

At age 10 I got glow in the dark stars glued on the ceiling

I felt safe under them

I still had the night light but the fake constellations amused me

I felt safe knowing that in the light nothing could get close

No monster under my bed

No demons from the closet

I was scared of the dark and the voices it held

It was logical at that time

Until, I grew up and saw the world

I was 15 when I realized that more than the dark people scared me

New interactions we’re always terrifying

I was fearful of people who would rip open my chest

Take another piece of my withering heart

A bite of my soul and all that I have left

I never figured out their intentions or the meaning behind prying eyes

Until, it was all put raw in front of me

And it was too late to run away

I used to be so afraid

Now, as I grow old nothing scares me anymore but myself

I realized that people do not have power over me until I choose to give it to them

The demons I’m afraid of in the dark

Or the peace I find in isolation

Everything is of my own making

I know that inside my soul resides a pool of stars and black holes

I hop from sunny days to dark nights and swim in between

All I ever wanted was to live a kind life

With a heart that is made of hurricanes and tornadoes

With lungs that breath fire and drown in the cold

I did not need saving but to accept myself

Nothing more than to be and I am


About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hello, welcome to my blog. I decided to write after a series of therapy sessions and a very serious manic episode. This blog is a dedication to how I have evolved as a person. I might someday start a commercial blog but no right now. Everything posted here *in my broken grammar and shit English* is how I have turned out as a person. Anyways, that is it. Bye!

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