Do you feel that desperate search of solace in yourself? A search for home where nothing pins you to the ground and demons don’t scream in your face?
You’re trapped in a state where the key to the lock is right, but the locks are rusted and jammed. A search where you know your destination but your footsteps mislead you?
Do you feel it lingering in the core at the pit of your gut? As if you’re losing contact with the ground and you’re scared. You’re scared of what awaits you because to the crowds, you’re so sure of yourself.
You’ve got the aura, the grace, the talk and the walk-all mastered. You can woo anyone with your charm and words, but, you fall apart when the clock strikes 4 in the morning and there is no audience to put on a show for.
You’re spilled on the floor, crying and making empty prayers to the God above. You have no idea what to ask him, but you still do. You want this emptiness inside you to go away, forever.
During those hours the facade falls and dissolves in the ground just like your tears. The show has no audience and the curtains are drawn, you cry your tears of a clown. You lie down on the stage that life has put you on and feel the cold making way inside your soul.
Do you feel that desperation in yourself? Because, that is where it begins, doesn’t it?
I feel the same way with a cold soul and an empty pit that I drown with intoxicants and a shitload of pills.
I find myself searching for God through the eyes of strange men and kissing the devil on her neck during lonesome nights.
Are we not all the same? who take off their masks when the audience is not in sight just to breath for a little while?
So, you’re up at 4 watching the dawn as tears run down your cheeks because life was different this time of the previous year and now, look at you?
Sprawled up on the floor with coffee by your side, planning the day and making up responses in your head when the world asks you,
“How are you, jack?”