A letter to myself.

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Dear heart
Sometimes you have to write letters to yourself. You need to write letters and remember  that life is not all rainbows and butterflies. You need to write and let yourself know that a warrior resides in your soul who has been through tougher situations and moved forward so this time when you feel like shutting the world out and cornering yourself in sheets, read this.Do not shut the lights out and the world for the person who broke you. Embrace the world with your broken self.

You have to know that once you were in the same state but emerged out of it, so let us not give up dear heart and struggle,again.
Firstly, please, don’t give room to people in your heart whose first intention is to break it. You see the signals and the warning signs-you’ve dealt with such people of the sort before-run! Run away as fast as you can when you acknowledge that they will only bring out the depression lingering in your blood. People are not always as they appear to be and so even if they have excuses justifying their acts, RUN! Don’t look back  or give them second chances, third chances or in your cases a million chances hoping that they will change. Hoping that their behavior might change just because you love them and they claim to love you back. Anyone who hurts you with words and stabs you with bitter sentences is not worth love. People have the tendency to chain you down and harm you. You’ve been harmed before, so expect no mercy that this time it will be different. It never will be different. People are the same. You will suffer and learn. You’ll realize that the grave is ready and you need to dump what you cherish in order to move on.
Silence. Learn that your only weapon against anyone whose hurt you to the core is silence. Do not hurt them back with bitter words or physical harm. You remain quiet and leave. Pack your bags or heck! Leave whatever you have but just go. Cherish the memories you have with them but consider them dead. Your mother taught you the meaning of “dead to me”, so apply the rule. Kill the person in your world while he/she is still alive in the other world. You need to respect yourself and not open up to anybody. Build a wall around your tiny heart. Focus on yourself. Let your ribcage be the protection against thunder and hurricane. Do not let it be an abandonment for people who temporarily stay and then go away. Do not open it up for people whose sole intention is to decorate the walls with remorse and destruction.

You love rainbows and butterflies. You love glitter and people who make you laugh. Go after them. Be with someone who gives a fuck about you. Do not chase people who won’t even look at you unless they have a motive to seek your company.
Be kind. Be gentle. Be honest. Be all of these things with yourself, first and then with others. You’re too scared of the world so take it in bit by bit. No need to rush or hurry. Time and people will mold your opinions and your personality. Heck! Look at yourself? Almost 20 years and you’ve changed so much. You’re going to change. You’re going to meet people who will be sweet on the surface but with bitter cores.

Forgive. Yes, forgive anyone and everyone who ever did you wrong. Forgive not because they need it but because you need to grow in life. Carrying burdens of the past will do you no good, dear heart. Some are dead and others are just strangers-live with that. Take a deep breath. Your silence is enough to let them know that their existence is dead to you. Do not go after them. Do not run because during lonely nights you miss them. Don’t go back to someone that has the least respect for you. Don’t start things that will do more harm to you then good.
I know you won’t listen right now but till my fingers can type and my mind is sane, I’ll try my best to guide you, dear heart.

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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