When in doubt…

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I don’t know if I make sense, but I try hard to make sure that you of all people understand. I want you to know that, I am like a wooden cabinet and not the glamor you see or I fool people with. In me reside fear and insecurities. In the corner you will find doubt spreading like termites. I am unsure of how life will be-but I try to make the best of it because I don’t know whatelse to do when things go down like a house of cards.
I am scared and more than scared I am terrified of losing things and people who mean the most to me. I have lost people but it doesn’t fit in how one second can put a dent of permanent absence. I have been left stranded on the shore by people who claimed to stay by my side a lifetime.
I am unsure of most of the things I want in life, big cities, money, lights and glamor they don’t seem not enough. I shift from one thing to the other like changing gears during a race on the highway.
I am lethal but warm at the same time and that doesn’t fit in the density of my cerebrum. I seep into veins like poison in a struggle to make home.
I do things to fuck me up and then repeat because one lesson isn’t enough for me. How many times have I puked in cracks and found God in narrow corridors-I don’t know.
I don’t know if I make sense to you but I try hard to make sure that you of all people understand that even with my doubts, fear, insecurities and nightmares of being lost there is one thing I am sure of that nobody will love you as I do. Nobody would be by your side like I am.

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