When in doubt…

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I don’t know if I make sense, but I try hard to make sure that you of all people understand. I want you to know that, I am like a wooden cabinet and not the glamor you see or I fool people with. In me reside fear and insecurities. In the corner you will find doubt spreading like termites. I am unsure of how life will be-but I try to make the best of it because I don’t know whatelse to do when things go down like a house of cards.
I am scared and more than scared I am terrified of losing things and people who mean the most to me. I have lost people but it doesn’t fit in how one second can put a dent of permanent absence. I have been left stranded on the shore by people who claimed to stay by my side a lifetime.
I am unsure of most of the things I want in life, big cities, money, lights and glamor they don’t seem not enough. I shift from one thing to the other like changing gears during a race on the highway.
I am lethal but warm at the same time and that doesn’t fit in the density of my cerebrum. I seep into veins like poison in a struggle to make home.
I do things to fuck me up and then repeat because one lesson isn’t enough for me. How many times have I puked in cracks and found God in narrow corridors-I don’t know.
I don’t know if I make sense to you but I try hard to make sure that you of all people understand that even with my doubts, fear, insecurities and nightmares of being lost there is one thing I am sure of that nobody will love you as I do. Nobody would be by your side like I am.

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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