Pretty&Broken-7

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Lately, I’ve been seeing that my extremist tendencies take the best of me. I have no midpoint and my emotions are all over the place, but nobody sees them because I camouflage the tsunami as mild winter rain.
Ever second my heart is bombarded with a surge of emotional rush and I can’t help but control the tears that fill my eyes as my nose turns red.
I’m like a pendulum which keeps swinging and crashing between two poles minute by minute, not halting at mid.

I need a midpoint. Its hard? I feel it becoming unbearable to control my extremist tendencies. It’s either north or west, left or right. Why can’t I ever have a ground where I stand firmly in between? watch the world from there. Everything laid on the ground and open for the world to see. I dig up whatever I lost. My people, myself, my home, my friends and mostly my place. I need to carve a home in this midpoint. I cannot and race between the two extremes. A fugitive.
I have taken up people as a hobby to distract myself from the things that keep me awake at night. I have taken up work to keep my mind busy. I’m afraid to look inside and find no soul or a damaged one.

Lately, I’ve been seeing that I’m meeting other souls and I see kindness in them and a lot of love, but as I camouflage my extremism they camouflage the love they have to give to the world- appearing, “normal”- as I do. We all blend in quiet well.

*and as she sipped on her last glass of whiskey, the typewriter halted and the only thing that lingered in the air was-a feeling of being lost yet knowing where to find herself.*

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

3 responses »

  1. Beautiful piece of writing Bano. I enjoyed it a lot as always with your writing. I wrote you another story ‘Taste The Blood Of Bano’ today. I’ve been sick so I hope that didn’t affect the quality of my writing. Nevertheless the story is for you and I hope you like it! Congrads on the book again and to many more coming in the future!

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