Lately, I’ve been seeing that my extremist tendencies take the best of me. I have no midpoint and my emotions are all over the place, but nobody sees them because I camouflage the tsunami as mild winter rain.
Ever second my heart is bombarded with a surge of emotional rush and I can’t help but control the tears that fill my eyes as my nose turns red.
I’m like a pendulum which keeps swinging and crashing between two poles minute by minute, not halting at mid.
I need a midpoint. Its hard? I feel it becoming unbearable to control my extremist tendencies. It’s either north or west, left or right. Why can’t I ever have a ground where I stand firmly in between? watch the world from there. Everything laid on the ground and open for the world to see. I dig up whatever I lost. My people, myself, my home, my friends and mostly my place. I need to carve a home in this midpoint. I cannot and race between the two extremes. A fugitive.
I have taken up people as a hobby to distract myself from the things that keep me awake at night. I have taken up work to keep my mind busy. I’m afraid to look inside and find no soul or a damaged one.
Lately, I’ve been seeing that I’m meeting other souls and I see kindness in them and a lot of love, but as I camouflage my extremism they camouflage the love they have to give to the world- appearing, “normal”- as I do. We all blend in quiet well.
*and as she sipped on her last glass of whiskey, the typewriter halted and the only thing that lingered in the air was-a feeling of being lost yet knowing where to find herself.*