My bipolar life.

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You see the clouds in dark glory claiming the night. Bitter cold that seeps loneliness in your bones.
Its just you who popped another pill and gulped another drink. Blood twirling down your naked wrist is a ballerina just starting her show.

Your heart beats against your chest in a desire to be let out. The cold in your ribcage is killing it and you hear howls of pain, agonizing calls of help from within yourself.
Remember, you killed all your saviors and bid a farewell to those you liked.
While, lovers make the angels sigh to be humans behind closed doors, you make the devil be proud of not being human.

Let madness dance in the air as you lay staring in open space. Infatuation with voids is a developing cure to all that your soul cannot bear.

Its after midnight. Your voices shunned. The screams hushed into a corner and you lay as the crimson shade dances on your skin, thinking?

Life is a bipolar bitch and I am its abusive victim with no escape.

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

5 responses »

  1. Well said. Bipolar is a difficult illness with no cure. I’ve had continuing relapses throughout my life but my writing helps me cope and feel better. I am glad you have the talent for writing to express yourself. I hope the writing helps you feel better too.

    • I suffer from depression and bipolar too and so far writing has helped me a lot in coping with my illness. I appreciate all the praise. Thank you. I hope you get better with time because its a fight with ourselves and nobody but us can understand the complexity of it in the end.

      • Sorry to hear you have depression too. It’s enough having Bipolar Disorder. I am glad your writing is helping you. We need as many coping resources as we can get when dealing with a tough illness. Thanks I am getting better two other health problems in Diabetes and Celiacs are stopping me from progressing in stability. But I got a med increase in Diabetes that is helping and working with a nutritionist to find a set Celiac meal plan. It’s hard when Celiac foods are high in sugar and you have Diabetes. I am glad I met you. You are right the only ones that will understand are ourselves or others suffering from mental illness also. No problem you are a great writer! Keep it up!

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