You will sit on the floor in the corner because that’s where you feel safe when sadness injects itself in your blood stream and makes it way to the core of your soul. Your knees are weak and tears stream down your face. You can feel your face getting hot as you try so hard not to curl in the corner but you do. You always do.
You don’t have a reason to be depressed because you have no lovers and no infatuations. People cry because of the lack of love in their life and here you are who never tasted it from the start. How will you know what it is like if you never had it in your life?
You have a successful career and a steady earning. You have good looks and the charm through which you woo the crowd. You have all that people want.
But you cannot get rid of the tears and find reasons to your crying. You have a reason but you’re not going to acknowledge it because that would mean realizing you have an issue and then seeking solutions. You’ve been running from problems, from people, from situations and even from yourself to stop now and realize possible solutions.
You’re like a fly caught in a spider web and there is no way out for you. You will perish. There is nothing worse than not being able to help yourself and you feel that you’ve reached that point. They say that if you don’t have a destination to run to then change direction and run again, but honestly? You are afraid to change direction and even more afraid to stop. Your halt would mean death to whatever you are. You don’t know what you are and like all the other questions in your life, you don’t seek an answer to it. You really don’t know and if you could know, you would rather not.
You will sit on the floor and cry some more. Maybe pass out in the cold or pop a pill and sleep, thinking there is nothing worse in life than trying to escape yourself.


About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m an ordinary person and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

One response »

  1. u know chapter 2 made me smile m the one who never taste that feeling if someone loves u ,how dose it feel i dont know ,,,people around me they adore me, the praise me, but they are just “”””people “””..

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