Monthly Archives: January 2015

Pretty&Broken-2

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You will sit on the floor in the corner because that’s where you feel safe when sadness injects itself in your blood stream and makes it way to the core of your soul. Your knees are weak and tears stream down your face. You can feel your face getting hot as you try so hard not to curl in the corner but you do. You always do.
You don’t have a reason to be depressed because you have no lovers and no infatuations. People cry because of the lack of love in their life and here you are who never tasted it from the start. How will you know what it is like if you never had it in your life?
You have a successful career and a steady earning. You have good looks and the charm through which you woo the crowd. You have all that people want.
But you cannot get rid of the tears and find reasons to your crying. You have a reason but you’re not going to acknowledge it because that would mean realizing you have an issue and then seeking solutions. You’ve been running from problems, from people, from situations and even from yourself to stop now and realize possible solutions.
You’re like a fly caught in a spider web and there is no way out for you. You will perish. There is nothing worse than not being able to help yourself and you feel that you’ve reached that point. They say that if you don’t have a destination to run to then change direction and run again, but honestly? You are afraid to change direction and even more afraid to stop. Your halt would mean death to whatever you are. You don’t know what you are and like all the other questions in your life, you don’t seek an answer to it. You really don’t know and if you could know, you would rather not.
You will sit on the floor and cry some more. Maybe pass out in the cold or pop a pill and sleep, thinking there is nothing worse in life than trying to escape yourself.

Pretty&Broken-1

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The truth is I’m frightened. Everyone is in life. However, I’m a bit more terrified at the thought of being vulnerable. I like to write prose and poems on love and life.

“Be free, wild hearts!”, I say, “Fall in love and kiss in the rain.”

 

The truth is that I’m a hypocrite. I’m the biggest hypocrite, I know and I know plenty.

I don’t allow myself the love that I preach to the world.

I’m a coward. I look for shelter in the rain. I don’t dance in it.

I pen down love and life. I spill poetry like vodka and intoxicate hearts.

I’m terrific at making people fall in love with me.

Not the constant.

 

 

I will write you love poems and tell you to give your heart away. The truth is that when it comes to myself, all I have is an out of tune heart beat and some lies to give.

Hush little child

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Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
I was ten and he was forty
He loved me in the dark ally
He loved me in my house

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
Sat on his lap and had a sweet
As I did, his hands crept in between me
Terror filled my insides and my voice vanished

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
I screamed in pain and cried on the floor
I begged for it to stop
Because this was not love at all

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
His hands silenced my screams and wiped my tears
The little doll was ten
You don’t love a child this way, I said

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
He said, you do love someone as cute as my doll
That cute button nose and big brown eyes
Demands that a doll like you should be loved so

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
Don’t tell your mother or your father
Don’t tell your friends or your teacher
They would never understand the love I have for my little doll

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
Enough of the love, I screamed
I have pain all over
Can’t you see me bleed?

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
Whenever he came and he came an awful lot
My eyes formed instant tears and I remarked
I don’t need your love, please let me go

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
My soul withered and my body ached
But more than that I felt filthy
No matter how much I bathed

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
But, I couldn’t take it anymore so I told my mother
“Keep silence, my girl and don’t say a word to anyone”
I cried that day a lot and realized that rape is not to be spoken about at all

Don’t tell anyone my little doll
This is love and care for you that is all
He came again and my mother had a talk
He came once again, but didn’t love me at all
Years went by but the loving still haunts my nights

No little girl should be loved this way at all
They think I forgot but I never did
He didn’t rape his dolls body but stripped her soul instead
Do tell everyone my little doll
This is not love and care that you deserve at all.

A home in despair.

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There is something selfish about people who are broken. They always like to keep their scars to themselves. Sharing is not one of their best traits.

They will smile and nod at the world yet, the sadness always gleams in their eyes. They won’t share it because it is a burden that only belongs to them and gives a feeling of home.

I have seen people carve a home in the depths and realms of despair. They drown in pills and intoxications. They build houses of sand near the shore and smile when the tides break them down.

There is something beautiful about the hollowness in their chest and the way their heart howls in the cold lonely nights.

There is something selfish yet beautiful about a broken soul because in between the cracks, I always see the brightest lights.

Darli’n let me tell you.

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You will sit in your room and think about your broken heart and how clumsy your ex lover was with it. Fragile, innocent and warm now left broken, disoriented and cold.
They tiptoed in your life with all the sunshine they could offer and left crashing through the walls leaving everything dark.

Searching to fill the void created by them and in hopes of getting your heart fixed, you will knock on doors and readily fall for anyone who provides a sense of home only to realize that you got more lost.

Lost in the darkness that they left, you will hope to find someone who will make you feel whole again and take your broken heart in their palms gently in an attempt to fix it. You will throughout the journey look at them with hungry and worried eyes. They say they won’t break it but now, you can never be sure.

Darlin’, let me tell you that your heart will break a million times before you can find someone who will be the one to fix it forever. Get lost in the darkness and explore all that you want. Feel the happiness but be sure to feel the pain as well. Life is bitter mostly but cherish the sweet parts of it. Open the door for anyone who knocks and help them. Try helping those who can’t be beneficial to you.
Be your own sunshine and try living as its the last day you’ll ever feel the happiness of a warm cup of coffee on a cold winters night.

Born into a society

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I am born into a society
Where death is a blessing and life a curse
Where humans are statistics and numbers
60 killed and 25 injured

I am born into a society
Where the rich get richer
The poor die hungry
Where food is enough and plenty
But thrown out into the streets

I am born into a society
Where empty smiles hide unhappiness
Money and sex are answer to all
Where people chug in alcohol to forget
Depression is common and pills are frequent

I am born into a society
That consumes more than it can take
Greedy eyes and full stomachs
Where massive consumption is okay
Power is the only outlet and defeat not an option

I am born into a society
Where the law of money prevails
Thrown into never ending wars
Not of our making
We fight for any glorious name

I am born into a society
Where hospitals treat the privilege
The lesser ones die on the pavements
Where old men control young lives
Grin and laugh while the labor class dies

I am born into a society
Where being a girl is a shame
You need a man to walk with you
To protect you and feed you
Or else get chewed up by the wolves and later thrown away

I am born into a society
Where nobody knows what happiness is
The jails are full and the asylums plenty
Everyone pretends to be the best
And yet crumble in powerful hands

I am born into a society
Where freedom is a state of mind
It remains not an expression but a word
You get shot in the head
Or locked up
If you say what is on your mind

I am born into a society
That glorifies wrong
That is divided into classes
The lower ones get nothing at all

I am born into a society
Where boundaries are plenty
Harmony nowhere to be found
Where color, creed and race define you
Not the deeds that you have done

I am born into a society
Where we are a part of somebody else’s story
Too afraid to write our own

I am a product of this society
Too tangled in chains and ropes
Of religion, nation and imposed ideals.

I am a product of this society
Who claims to be happier, healthy and perfect
Unaware what lies deep in my soul