China Doll


I used to play house with my china dolls when I was eight
The dawn, the day, the night
All happened in a single day

I wanted to be an artist when I was ten
Colored out of the lines at times
But I was a Picasso of my own back then

I wanted to be a dancer when I as twelve
Swing on the staircase and tip toe on the wooden floor
I pretended to be a ballerina all delicate but bold

I wanted to be a doctor when I was fourteen
Help the poor with all my might
Even though the sight of blood would make me cringe

I wanted to be a pilot when I was sixteen
Fly fighter planes and serve my country
Gain a medal or two for my bravery

I wanted to fall in love when I was eighteen
Find my prince and Disney fairytale
And live my happily ever after or something like that

I’m nineteen now
I’m one of the china dolls that I used to play house with
I’m an artist but I lost all my colors
I dance in the moonlight drunk to my heart content
I’m a doctor of my own now chugging in pills to kill the voices in my head
I became a pilot and would go sky high with a few hits of heroin in my veins
I fell in love and out of it like a gambler that wore her heart on her sleeve
For all I want now is to survive
With my demons, myself and I
To go to bed without taking a pill at night.


About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m an ordinary person and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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