I could’ve happened

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He saw her on the bus stop
She was dressed in blue
He looked at her and she saw him
They both smiled
Because they knew
They talked and talked
Days turned into months
They fell in love deeper
Than one ever could
One day they met
He proposed and she said yes
The joy that encapsulated them
Was worth it all in the end
He sent his mother over
Her parents said “yes”
Soon it was all glitter and gold
For their wedding day was close
It was 18th of May
They got married in Mid-may
Exactly the day they met
The year she had said yes
He loved her each day a bit more
And she gave him the world, all she had to offer
A couple months later
The news came like a blast
I was going to come in this world
A baby girl to my mum and dad
They didn’t know who I would be
A boy or a girl
But I heard my mothers heart anticipating
Hoping that I would be a boy
The day when my results came in
It turned out I wasn’t what she expected
That night I heard her cry her heart out
And curse God and her existence
For my grandma cursed my mother too
That why wasn’t I being born a male
And with each sob and each wail
I heard my mothers heart sank
Two days later I heard my father say
“Maybe we should let it go”
My mother always wanted a son
Drop this one and we’ll have another go?
I know it ripped my mothers heart
But she loved my father a whole lot
The next week I was taken to the dark place
Where they take soon to be born babies like me
Where the doctors anaesthetized her
Took out big knives and blades
And took my life before it was mine
And crushed my tiny body before it was fully alive
I drained in a pool of blood and crimson despair
The world was mine to claim once
But now its not there
I know my mother heart still aches
When she thinks about me or what I could’ve been
But when I look at my parents from up above
I smile and see them with a broken heart
I can still see the crack in my mothers heart
The crack where I would’ve belonged
The place where I could’ve been the bandage for it all
I wish I was on earth as well with her
But she loved my father a bit too much
But I guess it was never meant to be
And so on every 18th
I look down upon them from heaven
And tell them I am the daughter that could’ve happened.

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About Bano

I’m trying to find a better introduction but since, I can’t? Hi! I’m Sheher Bano Zafar and I write. I write not because there lies aspiration to be a writer someday but because, it keeps me sane. I love the color silver, black and grey. I also realize that they fall under the same color tone. Whatever, I write is a result of my 3 a.m blues or insomniac depressive tendencies. I can’t write during the day. I’m addicted to caffeine and well, anything and everything (if I like it). Also, I suck at conversations. I bite my nails. Most of the time I’m clueless about the world around me. I love politics and youth activism. People tell me that art and politics don’t belong in the same mind, but I’m passionate about both. One day I might be drawing on a canvas or writing a story and the very next day I will be heading off to attend a summit on the role of youth at the United Nations. I have multiple people trapped in the same body. Each side does try to express itself, in minimal ways if not fully. I’m currently going through a rough patch in life. I guess, I’m adjusting to the world through multiple perceptions. I absolutely love talking to myself because an expert opinion is always required. Most of the time, I just play scenarios in my mind that would never happen. I’m very contradictory in my thought process and actions but it is okay, people get to be what they want to be as long as no other soul is hurt. Peace out!

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