Monthly Archives: September 2013

Running Away (Chapter 2)


Running Away (Part 2)

Do you know what they do to girls that run away from home? They kill them in the name of honor so I had no choice of going back and the future seemed bleak. Akram’s behavior deteriorated rapidly, I was now being compared to whores who run away, and ironically I didn’t realize I would soon become one.

“AAAAHHH DIE ALREADY” he screamed as he kicked my stomach once more and the intensity of my pain grew stronger and it was getting harder for me to breathe and at that moment I knew my end was very near. Life is all about impact and how those impacts change it forever and so one day my already crumbling world suddenly came crashing down to the ground. It was June 16 2005 I remember when it happened; he took me to the place where I would suffer an eternity. We went out in the rickshaw and ended up in a shabby area with the gutters full, rotting garbage and half naked children barely clean visible on the sidewalk. The building were tall, fungus inflicted and smelled of piss and paan. Meet Jahaan Ara as he introduced me to a plum faced women with a grin on her face and chewing her paan, her eyeliner thick and smudged. She wore a dark shade of red lip color and a red and golden tight fitted shalwar kameez. It appeared as if she was trying to regain the beauty she once possessed in her youth. We greeted and sat down, my heart raced and I felt that something was not right about where I was; but I had Akram with me so why worry. The woman left after a while and Akram explained how he had work out of city and as I cannot stay alone in a new city this is her aunt that I have to stay with till he comes back. Relief overwhelmed me and I knew I had nothing to worry about, I was safe.

As soon as he left other women came out of their rooms and now I was surrounded by 8 to 7 women who showered me with questions and comment; I got confused “she’s a pretty one” said one “is she the new one?” said another while the youngest among them all or as she appeared to be asked “where are you from?” “Such long hair and big eyes” commented another. “Get away from her!”, screamed Jahaan Arra from behind and silence befell the small crowd around me. “Come! Let me show you your room” and the crowd dispersed with the same momentum as it had gathered. I was taken to a small room with no windows in the farther corner was placed a bed and a dressing table next to it, “sleep for a while you have a busy night ahead” I really didn’t get what she meant by it but the humid made me more exhausted and I dozed off for a while.

*knock* *knock* and the door opened, “wake up sleeping beauty” said Jahan araa in a canny tone “what time is it?” I inquired with my eyes half open still consumed in slumber “business time” said she and at that moment I sat up straight all my sleep vanished in a second. “What business?” “Don’t you know darling, I own you now! What did you think that I was going to cater you? I bought you in 1 lac so get ready and try putting some makeup on, the customers will be coming any moment.”

My heart sank and my stomach tightened I struggled to breath, I wanted to scream but in vain. Now I knew what a broken heart felt like, how it ached and bled, how forever now till my last breath it will continue to bleed a river so deep that its origin will never run out. Akram abandoned me, my hope my love lost! He sold a love so divine for earthly means and I acknowledged that and our silent intimacy was the deadliest form of lust experienced. What he had was lust what I had was love; it was a funny concept. I lay in the dark, voices being heard from outside and my will to live had gone. Another knock on my door and a shadow entered behind her was Jahaan arra “Get up!” “look at this big eyed beauty, just got her today hazoor and for you special price 65 thousand no more or less” the silhouette of the man now became clear and I saw a man in his 40’s wrinkled and puffy face, small eyes and half bald and he spoke “Jahaan arra I have been coming here since youth, she is not even a virgin, make the deal in 50 thousand and let me have this beauty” I could see his yellow teeth cigarette stained and purple lips under the dim light as he took out a bundle of money and handed it out to her, she smiled and thanked him “enjoy hazoor, don’t be so hard on the little flower now” as she closed the door behind and the man leapt forward towards me a sudden pain went across my heart and I found god in my broken heart…


Part one can be read here


” karma? or revenge? let it be the way it is and nature will screw the person up or you can take your slice and let karma do its job to you now. What i’ve learnt is hate and revenge only make a person bitter, this is all temporary and we cant make permanent decisions on feelings that will soon pass away. It’s not easy to forgive and forget but its not impossible now is it? and that’s what i have learnt in my temporary stay here to let it be the way it is and if you give it time things eventually pass and there is no need for karma or revenge.”

” karma? or rev…

Running Away (Chapter 1)


“Akram!” It is said that when a person is dying, his life flashes before his eyes, and only then is he able to see his true purpose in this world. My life? It flashed in front of me with a single word and that was “Akram”.  My whole universe summed up into this 5 letter word. I could feel the blood pouring down my legs and now soaking the end of my shalwar, the pain travelling from my vertebrae and spreading through my whole body. Excruciating; like a thousand needles poking in me and making there way to the other side. I wish death would embrace me by now but I guess fate has something else in plan like it always does. Akram still stood there smoking his local Dunhill with a sinful grin on his face just like the first day I saw him in the lucky Irani circus of our village. The same grace of an unfaithful bastard which, at that time, I didn’t really know now did I? And as a hormonally rushed teen, barely 16 and never having stepped out of her village, the butterflies in my stomach were a new feeling which I had never gotten before, and now those memories come back.  Like shooting cannonballs, they exploded, and with each explosion the grip on my stomach hardened and my heart died.

I was 16 when I saw him in the village. We were 7 sisters and had no brother, which made my father resent us all very much and we became constant objects of his disdain. Having a male in the family does make a difference, but where I am today, giving birth to a female was more acceptable. I saw him in the circus and there, I instantly knew from the way he looked that I was head over heels in love with him. The circus stayed for 2 months and in those two months, I fell more and more deeply in love with him, until it was time for him to leave. Do you really know how it’s like to love someone with all your heart and soul and then let them go all of a sudden? Do you know how painful it gets? Like someone placed burning coal on your throat and with each breath, you find yourself nearer to death? That was me when I found out he had to leave in a week. Then he proposed me and my apparently crumbling world was up in the air again. Of course I said YES! Why wouldn’t I? And since I knew my parents wouldn’t agree, we planned to run away! Run away to the city and make our future. That night, I still remember not sleeping with excitement, dreaming hopelessly about the future we will have; two kids (didn’t matter what gender since I knew Akram was very open-minded compared to the men in our village), a small house, and at day he would go to work and I will wait for my beloved to come home, and at night when he’ll be home from a tiring day, I’ll make him dinner and watch him eat and then talk. Then, we’ll watch some television and I will later sleep in his arms. But life isn’t what you dream it out to be, and I was too naive to know that.

“Please help me!” I could feel then the end of my shirt getting wet too now, the blood oozing out and making its way to my skin, sticking to my clothes. The surrounding seemed blurry but I could see him standing there and cursing me, abusing me and my family. “Die already. I have business to take care off”. This is what I made out he said as I slowly felt my feet going numb.

……We came to the city with the money he had borrowed from the circus manager, and managed to get a small apartment in Lahore in the area Mughalpura. It was a one room apartment with a small opening and smelled of chicken because of the butcher’s shop downstairs. The apartment had a small kitchen with a cement shelf and a cabinet. The stove was on the ground. In the bedroom was a big window that looked out into the wall of the next apartment, and a small bed. But I felt like we could make it work and sure enough, the next two weeks were the happiest of my life. I was his queen and he was my king. We went out to Anarkali bazar and he bought me the same bangles I was wearing now and I was happier than I’d ever been until what started a few months ago.

The charm of love wears out eventually, you know? It’s a flame that eventually gives up and dies and then you are forced to make it work. This happened to us too and within 3 weeks it all died away and his behavior took a turn. From being my ever-loving Akram, he turned into a bastard who would get drunk, beat me up and abuse me. I used to think during that time that maybe, just maybe, I did things too fast and should’ve thought them over. When the beatings and the abuse got more brutal I wished I could go home but you do know what they do to girls that run away from home now don’t you?



“..and when i bowed before the world it knocked me down on my feet,when i crawled upon the ground it trampled and walked over me only then i learnt to keep my head up straight,my chin high and walk like the woman i was meant to be..”

“..and when i b…

Suffering of the alive



I’m exhausted and I can’t bear this anymore. The lord Lucifer promised me and well shit! That devil only satisfied me for a while. I have to get him out of me I know he’s lurking deep in my soul and I don’t know how long will I continue but my conscience is dead now. So here it begins, my name is tayyab and I am a part of the devil. A lost soul of hell if I may say. Here it goes the story of my life I am a doctor by profession and was the only child. too. My mother died while giving birth to me and well my father never re married. He turned into a drug addict due to the loss of my mother and always hated me. Fuck it! I always wanted a sibling you see? I saw all those kids playing in the street with their brothers and sisters, I wanted one. The kids in my street or school wouldn’t talk to me I had no friends you see? People called me weird. I was bullied and beaten up for being different. I was confused because I didn’t know what different was that people or rather kids despised in me? Time went by and each act of theirs made me more determined to actually become successful in life.
I graduated from one of the best medical school and at the top of my class. But something inside me was still missing you see? My father had died and I was lonely. I hated being alone. I was abandoned and desolated. I wanted friends but no one really talked to me unless they had some work to be done. Filthy humans! It was December when it first happened I was outside when I saw a young 10 year old playing in the street. I talked to her and well we became friends. She was my very first friend. She came every day to meet me and we talked and played her crazy games. Then one day she told me that her family was moving and tomorrow would be the last time I would see her, to tell you the truth for a man like me this was quiet a blow to the heart, I always wanted a small baby sister or brother. I had the compulsion to make her stay and lord Lucifer himself appeared that night to give me his blessings. He promised me that the little girl would be a part of me. Next day, I sedated the little girl. I strapped her to the marble kitchen table. I wanted her to stay forever with me you see? When she woke up I slit her throat open and discovered I had a sadist side to me as well. Aaaaahhh the gush of warm sweet blood, my first kill. I saw the evil one standing beside me and he guided my hands as I remove limb by limb of the poor child on the table. It was if I had put the universe to peace and felt a satisfaction within me that I had never felt. I then stored the blood because damn! It tasted good and froze the body parts. I left only her heart and some of her fingers to be cooked for the day. Who wouldn’t like finger food? Ha-ha. I still remember the taste of it for those who are watching this tape and don’t know what blood tastes like or what human flesh is like well to me it tasted metallic and a bit salty and tangy. But dead bodies don’t taste so good, anyhow I consumed the little girl in about 2 weeks, and whenever I did the dark lord gratified it and I knew I was on the right path. My first friend was a part of me I remember my dad telling me a story of Hansel and grittle in which the witch was about to eat them well call me that witch for I needed love and I made this child a part of my soul. My intention was only love. I did kill about 15 people and devoured them in a period of a year. Men, women, and children of all ages I have tasted them, and I don’t regret eating them why? Because I ended there worldly suffering and made them a part of something great a part of the soul of the universe. Then why stop you say? I ate the love of my life you see. Poor woman loved me with all her strength and I ate her. We met in my hospital and I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. she loved me too, I wish I would’ve told her that I was doing this so I could make her a part of me, otherwise she’ll abandon me too like my mother did at my birth, my father did or my very first friend did. I knew I had to make her stay and this was the only way. Her last words were “my light of love was so weak it could not overcome your darkness. If this is my fate then let it be. Make me a part if you believe but I pray you realize what you ‘re doing is wrong”.
I did eat her, how could I not make her part of me? But then after a time I felt lonely again. Now I have no one and I need somebody. I wish I could die, but insane people like me have a long life of suffering you see? I am willing to take any form of punishment given because I need this life of misery to end. I took a life from the time I was born and it ended when I made the love of my life a part of me. Hail the dark lord as he is watching me right now I do not regret what I did. I am a delusionist, a cannibal and a Satan worshipper who gratifies his act then let it be……
The video then began to blur and mask, the final image seen was of tayyab blazing into ashes in excruciating pain. The house was burnt down but the tape remained. The following image is what is viewable of the Satan cannibal. It has been the most mysterious unsolved cases of the year 2012. The body of tayyab tanvir was never found.




As the dark approached I looked at the hills, the sun setting and giving a Cimmerian shade to the sky as the anxiety crept into my veins and flowed through my blood . My stomach began to churn and it felt as if someone knotted my gut, getting harder for me to breathe every minute passing. WAITING! That’s the most horrible thing that could happen to human beings…we wait to grow up, wait to get a job, wait to find the perfect companion, wait to get old and we wait to DIE! Waiting can be a painful task since you never known when it might end. I was always an impatient child though, waiting was a word not in my dictionary and to be honest I think I fully deserve this now don’t I? the sky was now dark and only a half moon peeked behind the clouds and illuminated everything in the room, in a distance the wind had begun its dance to delight the trees and I sat by the door now; waiting…I thought I heard footsteps in the grass and ran to look out the window but to my dismay nobody was there…again I had to wait for him to come. I waited 22 years to have him. The day I heard he died was like a knife in my own hurt but then again magicians have it one way or another don’t they?  And now I’m near the window looking out the door waiting for him to come, for him to tear the door apart with his dead and burnt skin, his empty eyes bleeding nothing but pain and sorrow his arms dangling and like a dead corpse I know he’ll come I can feel it.

Apartment 23B



“WAKE UP! Are you okay? What happened?” I heard baba jan’s voice in a distance and now becoming more and more clearer as I opened my eyes and got familiar with the surrounding, “Are you okay? Do you want some water?” baba jan stormed me with questions and I wanted to answer but my throat was dry and trying to speak made me cough. The very instant electricity came illuminating the area in dull colors around and the incident sprang back to mind, I pushed baba aside and went to the railing looked down and saw the empty street just as it had been I looked around for the piece of shirt but couldn’t find it. Troubled! I made my way back in and collapsed on the bed; maybe the final thesis work was getting on my nerves and I was hallucinating. NO? But the scene was so real, so vivid how can it be my mind playing tricks on me?

I woke up at 3’o clock again and looked out the window, the moon peeking from behind the clouds and coloring everything in shades of grey and black. In the distant corner I heard a rickshaw approaching and the silent hum turns into a cacophony like a hundred demons being resurrected from hell to spawn evil on earth. I switched on my laptop and played one of my favorite beats by Dio that always helps me calm. I need to think over the events that happened earlier and produce a logical explanation or go mad with the figments of my imagination. So let’s see where did it all begin?  I’ve been meeting Talha since the past 3 days. He lived in apartments that are a little down south to from where our apartment building was and I did find it strange for a 12 year old to venture out this far at night but kids these days…and so me and Talha talked. I wish his father wasn’t too hard on the kid, beating up his mother and him so ruthlessly AND THAT SCAR! The scar he showed me yesterday was horrifying to look at. I tried following the track of scenarios rather than focusing on what had just happened some hours ago before me but it was getting harder not to concentrate at it and my stomach tightened and my heart accelerated. That building had been empty for as long as I knew it then where had Talha come from? He said he and his parents lived in the house “forever” or as he put it “we never left” but the rumor was that it had been ages since someone inhabited the place. I tried sleeping again but rather ended up wasting time online talking to people who I would never meet just to get my mind off this matter and finally did pass out around 5.

“DON’T! Talha turn away from the corner! DON’T! TALHA!”  Broken bones and splattered in blood he had jumped from the roof of our apartment and all I was able to get in my hands was his shirt, still in that blood and broken neck he looked at me and smiled. I remember screaming and shouting for people to come, I remember him lying on the cold ground down below, his shirt half torn in my hand and me with distant visions and blur; fainting.

*Beep* *Beep* I heard my phone ringing and got up my heart still beating furiously and sweat beads on my forehead I picked up and heard Zain on the other end  “uth ja harami! Thesis le k uni ponch” (get up bastard! Bring the thesis to university) and with a tired groan I hung up. My body ached. I made my way out of bed and got dressed with my dream still orbiting in my mind. Yesterday occurrence was now haunting me in my dream and like a weigh on my sub conscious it ruled.

“How many roti’s do you want me to make you?” asked ama but I said I’ll have tea and a piece of toast during breakfast I happened to ask baba if any new family came to live in the south apartments B block because Talha clarified moments before he jumped where he lived but baba said after the incident nobody dared to step a foot. A couple did come some 6 years ago after it but left in a week as they claimed to hear noises and see strange images. “What incident baba?” and something I hadn’t known before unfolded itself to me “There lived once a family husband, wife and son in that building. The husband drank, didn’t work and abused his wife and kid, till one day she poisoned the husband and hanged herself and the child.” The grip on my stomach tightened again and I asked “how old was the child? Did you know his name? When did this happen?” a flood of questions came pouring and baba jan said “his name was Talha, he was 12 when we moved here and you were 5 so I guess you don’t remember much of him but he used to come visit sometimes.” I felt as if I was going to puke but refrained and with heavy footsteps made my way back to my room, collapsing on my bed till it all sank in.