Monthly Archives: June 2013

The pursuit of Imagination


Ever since a child Daniel had a very solid imagination, he would believe everything he was told and everything he read and even believed every dispatch sent out by his overheated imagination. Every night his mother would read him a bed time story and he believed every bit of it to be true whether it was the witches of east and west or the Halloween ghouls. His mother related to him as a knight who would save the world from evil and so as time passed he started looking at human beings from a mystical point, convinced that in every person lay a good and evil character and that somehow they all fit in his very own story. “You are what you believe to be” was what stuck in his mind in all those childhood years and he believed in it even now and in that belief he considered himself to be very lucky because even then he knew that there were people in this world whose imaginative senses were either completely numbed or dead out, calling them to be imaginatively colorblind, often did people held him in contempt for it and pitied his wild ideas but Daniel couldn’t care less. Now every child is like that isn’t he? Well for Daniel his beliefs were his only cherished possession and this of course gave him his fair share of sleepless nights but he wouldn’t trade a lifetime of restful nights for the colors and textures his imagination and the voice filled him with.  A voice which only communicated with him when silence crept up and told him tales of the unknown creatures, as time passed he was convinced  that the voice was his connection to another dimension where all the magical creatures lay. Daniel remembers very lucidly how once he had a parrot and the voice approached him and with whispers and mumbles  told him that “inside his parrot lay a mystical dragon” and at once he was overcome by the desire to slash the parrots neck with the sharpest knife he could fine and open it up. Oh! How he had loved the feeling of it. It was a feeling of pure completeness and ecstasy that he had ever known. The gush of blood spurting out form the parrot’s jugular the final shriek of pain was a kind of sweet melody to his ears.  He loved the smell of blood the warmth of the body the flesh as it turned from deep red to a pale white and he very well believed that he saw a soul of a dragon emerging out of the parrot’s body.

He grew up and times change but even though facing the realities of this world he still had his imagination intact and the voice too…the voice advanced him only in the silence of the night and talked to him telling him tales of the unknown land where lay unicorns and princesses and elves and witches. Daniel worked as a cardiac surgeon in a local hospital and there was where he met his wife or as he liked to relate it to his princess and soon enough the love blossomed into something that every being in life could ask. Having everything one could ever want a loving wife and a beautiful baby girl. Love peace and serenity which every human desires .yet he always felt as if something inside him was missing as if there was a void inside him that could not be filled. Whenever he made love to his wife he always had this temptation to free the princess inside her and with every relationship the flame dimmed and dreamer Daniel couldn’t acknowledge the fact that things won’t always be sparkling and bright. He couldn’t find the answers to as why was this void inside him growing shallow by the minute? He had his fairytale complete or so he thought he did for they never told what happened in those happily ever after’s afterwards now did they?  Things don’t always remain beautiful and lively and have to die out sooner or later, just as a diamond in the dark is like any other stone of no brilliance whatsoever.

As time passed Daniel began to feel indifferent to many matters, once during making love to his wife he sliced a mark on her just to hear her scream and set free the princess that lay inside her-her screams sent chills down his spine and he wanted to feel that pleasure again and so he would every now and then deliberately try to harm his wife to set free the princess inside her-to set her free of this earthly body his wife thought that this was a phase and would pass away little did she know what fate had in store for her? on 25th May while Daniel was reading for he always read at night the influence of the voice grew strong inside him just like it did when he set free the dragon inside the parrot and even though he suppressed it a million times, today the voice kept mumbling in his mind and he felt as he was under a trance “set the princess free for it has been too long”. Daniel got up and went to the kitchen where his wife was cleaning up after dinner; he went over and felt her skin to skin. She smiled and kissed him. He took a deep breathe. And put his hand on her in a way that his thumb was pressing down on her jugular vein.  He knew that this would stop the blood to her brain meanwhile, his other hand was pressing down on a particular point near her armpit causing the muscles to seize up. There were no contractions, not even a single sound or a shriek she was unconscious. He then picked her up and took her to the attic. Looking at the lifeless body beautifully laying there the voice inside mumbled “set the princess free for it’s been too long” and so he then proceeded to tie her up with a pole and clean the area around. After an hour she woke up with, her vision was blurry and couldn’t recall what had happen. Her hands were sore with pain and she soon realized that she was chained to the pole. She opened her eyes clearly and now was in a state of pure familiarity with the person sitting in front of her on an old dusty trunk.  The attic smelled of formalin and wet dusty wood. She tried to speak but couldn’t, her throat was dry and she needed water. She finally managed to mumble a few breathless dry words “what’s this Daniel?” and all he could say was “I want to set the princess inside you free. Please understand. It’s trapped inside you and she wants her freedom” he then proceed to make a slight cut on her neck as a drop of blood formed at the edge of the wound and dropped on the floor like carnal paint. She cried with pain and begged to be let go for she was mildly aware that her husband was fascinated by fairytales but couldn’t believe that this madness would take such a toll, the wicked and divine lover would turn out to be an evil and sinister bastard. But Daniel knew that he had come so far and there was no going back because things could never be the same. He undressed her and looked at her. A body that he had seen so many times had a different vibe now. It wasn’t a body he made love to but a body he was going to pursue now in the name of passion to find the answer of his curious imaginative mind. Imagination is the cradle of credence and in that cradle lay Daniel with a grey heart and too him nothing mattered more than his belief. He had all his medical equipment with him. Slowly he began making tiny segments on her body. She cried and tried as hard as she could to escape the clutches of the chain but it was strong and she was tired and helpless against the man she loved with all her might. Screaming didn’t work for the attic was sound proof. He then took out a bottle of sulphuric acid filled some in a dropper and began pouring it on the wounds he had made deriving pleasure from her hurting and satisfying his sadist desires. He loved the way she screamed in pain and agony. He pleasured himself while setting the princess free alas! He made love to her earthly body in bruises and injures, then again started on business because now he couldn’t wait to see the princess. She cried and yowled.  Daniel pretended not to listen as he was doing it in the name of belief. He then started peeling her nails out of her body as blood ran down and she helplessly cried in agony and then chopped of her ring finger with a blade because a knife would be too quick and less painful. One by one he began chopping of all her fingers and she cried and cried. When the bone meets the blade he had to put more force into it and he loved that. Going at it more enthusiastically now .She went unconscious with the pain. He waited for her to wake up and then the pain filled extravagancy began yet again… she screeched and wailed, but he was overcome by the voice and finally he slit her throat open with a knife.  The princess was free and the warm blood soaked his clothes and the blood gushing filled his face with a warmth and satisfaction he had not known once from his childhood. He then made pieces of her slice by slice. Head, legs, arms, hands, feet, chest, her heart everything was put into order. He then took out the preserving mixture of formalin and alcohol filled it up in various bottles and began putting the body parts in it one by one. He looked at her heart which was now turning purple and tasted it with the tip of his tongue and thought to him “the heart of a princess”. When it finally came to the head he kissed it. The gentle touch reminded him of her but he had no regrets for he was happy and contended. He had finally set her wife free after being with her for the past 15 years, he sat there for some time while the voice inside his head praised him for his act of emancipating the princess and the sun shone now from the window and he realized that his daughter would have woken up for school by now and he went downstairs. There on the table sat blonde haired and blue eyed Elizabeth, she resembled her mother so much and as he came close Elizabeth asked “daddy! Do you know where mommy is? I can’t find mommy where is she?” and at once the voice whispered “she’s your princess too, set her free now and the knight shall live forever” and with that he replied “sure princess! Let me show you where she is” and with those final words he kissed her and took her in his arms and climbed the attic stairs and the door behind him went shut.




What is like to be free?

To have a soul that belonged to none and everyone

To be anything and everything that one wants to be

Where it is that one can find the meaning of being free?

To have the shades black and white

And yet possess the lure of a rainbow

To play against a grey background

And still be an artist to whom colors mean all

To paint on a canvas over and over again

And with every stroke the colors burst

To be dashed and scattered like twinkling stars in a night sky

But yet be as intact as a moon in a silvery night

To be burning as the flame on the sun

And soar as high as an eagle against an emerald sky

To rid the existence of every onus possible

What does being free really mean?

Is it living or learning? Or to live within it and learn

To be a white dove in the war between minds

Or be a warrior on a never ending journey through time

Am I free or do I appear to be?

Am I betraying others or deceiving me?

Caught in the mental war or am I to flee?

To look at things in the light or to look in the darkness

Does shade really matter s when it comes to being free?

To have everything and lose it all

To belong to none who belongs to everyone

To be both bedazzled and dizzied by the concept

Is this what being free is like?

Am I a slave or am I free?

The idea of freedom being so vague and vivid to me

The crack on the wall


The crack on the wall

The crack in the wall is leaking again and I can hear water dripping on the floor it will eventually stop I hope as I look towards the window from where the full moon shone bright as a bulb in the sky. The lights are out as they have always been since the past 4 years .I is calmly seated on an old wooden chair and across me is an empty couch. Silence now haunts this room and I am waiting for him to come out. I can feel the dampness of the sewerage smell around me. Mid July heat can be very exhausting as I look at the figure approaching me from the other room. Across me now stands another individual that I have known for quite some time now but lately he stopped talking to me, he ignores my existence as I rot in this place for a woman who peacefully sleeps in the room he came from. I am tired and haven’t slept for a while, I envy the woman for sleeping whist I am awake yet I have grown amusingly accustomed to my state of half-awake and half asleep. My throat is dry and I could use water but he lets me starve now until I admit my mistake but I am too arrogant to do so. I manage to utter a statement in my deep raspy thirst stricken voice “don’t you see Hassaan she was just using you?” Trying yet again to convince him that I was right. He collapses on the couch with his head deeply embedded in the cushions and cries. I could hear him out of breath and waling in despair and agony. I fail to comprehend what is going on with him after all I did him good, I was his friend and that’s what this bond is all about-to be with each other and to eliminate any danger that comes between this special bond. His hands are colored with dry blood but I can still smell sweat and iron in the air, he gets up and walks to the window looking at the moon. He tries opening it but its rusted enough not to open as I see him try in utter failure. Being locked up in this house for someone who was so used to freedom can be frustrating and his eyes again filled with tears as he tried hard to make eye contact with me. On his cheek I could see the tear drop shining as the light of the moon illuminated it. He makes his way again to the room where she lays now…perfectly still in her white night gown. It’s stained red from the chest but she looks peaceful. After all her attempts to break our bond she had it coming. On the table lay a purplish mass covered now with dust and insects. Its funny how this tiny mass still beated for some time when hassaan took it out. He walks up to me again and sits opposite and looks me in the eye. I ask him “are you okay Hassaan?” And to which I get a reply “why did you kill her with my hands Ali?” “Why did you take her heart out with my hands?” This was not the reply I was expecting and since I didn’t have the strength to say out loud I got up and move close to his ear and whispered “because all of us need to move on. I won’t let anything tear us apart. ” and with this I couldn’t help but give out a mocking laugh. He looks me in the eye again and I knew exactly what was on his mind and so as he got up to pick the glass shard from the ground I set back on my chair and puffed as he stuck it in his gut. Once…twice…and the final blow thrice.
He is dead now and across me is the empty couch and his body lying on the floor, the mid July humid is exhausting and the lights are out. I want to sleep but the crack in the wall is leaking again.